Looking In

 

            The sunlight reached as far as it could, but its golden embrace failed to touch the toes of Edward’s boots. Standing just within the darkness of the forest, he looked out across the vast field that stood between the forest and the strip mall. Twenty years ago, this open field only looked out across a thin, unpaved country road that looked to only more open fields. But corporate America had caught up to the small town of Evansville and Edward watched with a sinking feeling as the world around him spiraled out of control.

              Seeing the constant stream of cars flow in and out of the unquenchable beast of retail and blacktop, Edward walked away from the bright and shiny plastic world that lay outside of his hidden existence. Turning back to the darkness of the forest, his eyes quickly adjusted, and he found his small home, a shack really, but it was dry and warm and most of all, quiet. Placing two pieces of dry maple within his stove, he sat before it and warmed himself. As the temperature climbed, he stepped away from the soothing orange glow and removed the small picture frame from the bookshelf behind him.

              The pretty woman and the teenage girl with her both smiled at him from the photograph. He could clearly see the love and beauty of the two, but he knew the smile was not the truth. He had failed in every way possible and now he was alone, ensconced in the safety of the forest. He had learned his lesson, but it was too late to go back. That bridge had been burned and the path could not be found again. Replacing the picture frame, he sat at his small homemade table and rested his forehead on the surface.

              In his dreams, he saw himself, a lightly lit specter in the bowels of darkness. He could see images moving around him and the longer he watched the darker they became but the brighter he became. He stood all alone in the midst of this darkness and yet he was at peace. The more he shone, the further away the shifting dark characters around him moved away. He could see two of them, fighting against the light he emanated yet seemingly drawn to it. Eventually they too went away, and he stood all alone, a glowing beacon in a sea of darkness.

              With a snort, he sat up, realizing that darkness outside had begun to fall and his fire had been reduced to a small pile of coals. Feeding in a few small twigs, he rescued his only source of warmth from a cold death. Returning to his kitchen, he opened the cupboard to realize that his small cache of spices had dwindled further than he had realized. Retrieving a small metal box from under a sack of potatoes, he pulled a small handful of money and with a sigh, left his tiny slice of peace and quiet. Splashing some water on his face from the rain barrel by the front door, he ran his fingers through his hair with the hope that he looked at least somewhat presentable.

              Walking the long way around the forest, he emerged and started walking up the road toward the small grocery store that shared a parking lot with the strip mall. A knot began to grow in his stomach as he stepped upon the blacktop and approached the grocery front door. With a deep breath, he walked through the automatic doors and hurried to aisle five, the only aisle he ever visited. Grabbing a bag of sugar, a box of salt and a few small containers of various spices, he got in line and silently stood, watching, and listening to those around him. No one paid him any attention, as their faces were focused on the small screens in their hands.

              Inching forward, he finally had space to place his items on the conveyor belt. Watching the young mother in front of him as she paid, she gathered her groceries and left the store. Marveling at her complete lack of attention toward even her own children, Edward could feel a lump begin to build in his throat.