Ambrose grew up in
a family of those radically different from himself with nothing more on their
mind but television, sports, and the pursuit of social interaction. Fortunately,
he inherited his grandfather’s intelligence, passion for excellence, and love
of music. He always knew that he was the outsider, the odd one, that one child with
whom no one could seem to connect. He put in a great effort to be sociable, to
be athletic, and to connect with others, but all along it all felt so foreign
and contrary to his nature.
It was when he
finally reached high school that the stark reality of his robust contrariness
became painfully aware. He had many acquaintances and very few actual friends,
for there was almost no one with whom he could connect on any level, whether it
be intellectually, academically, or spiritually. He passed through each day of
life, knowing that those around him were blissfully unaware of the depth,
width, and potential that life offered them.
The more he interacted,
the more he realized that almost no one else was interested in becoming something
great, missing out on so much potential for growth, and the pursuit of
excellence. The distraction of school, its social cliques, and its empty vanity
drove him away from the possible path of university, for he knew that four more
years of education would be more of the same environment.
After graduation,
he poured himself into self-taught education, choosing topics of interest to
make himself as widely educated as possible, choosing music, philosophy,
religion, and anthropology to make the greatest effort to understand how all
fields of knowledge connected, and how people approached life. As each year
passed by, he became more and more disappointed in the trajectory of those
around him, all of them seemed content with mediocrity.
Unwilling to
condescend to the status quo, he made every effort to find answers to the many
questions that plagued him, writing down questions and then finding answers. In
what seemed to be one out of a thousand, he would find someone who was
moderately interested in similar fields as he, which would occasionally
stimulate conversations that barely scratched the surface of where his mind was
going.
He finally gave up
any hope of ever finding someone with a heart and mind like his, to instead
pour himself into wife and children, doing all he could to support them both
financially and emotionally. Not one to distract himself with toys, he put
great effort into making the most of their financial situation, improving every
detail of their lives to move them forward with greater goals in mind.
He and his made
every effort to improve their situation, moving from one house to another, one
community to another, one city to another, one state to another, and eventually
landed with good people who encouraged them all toward that which was good and
right. With this new community, he could feel a good shift in their reality as
they were able to get away from the empty mediocrity of the common communities
that had surrounded them for so many decades.
Like one moving
from a meal of fast food to home cooking, he could see the difference in quality,
but it was several years later that he finally realized that the previous step
upward was only a good first move, for there was much more out there and ahead
of them which was considerably better, capable of bringing them to an even
better place.
Many more years passed,
and Ambrose only continued to be disappointed with ninety-nine percent of the
population as they were all content with mediocrity, while he was pushing
himself to become more, to become better, and to be one who offered something
of excellence to those around him. It made him sad to realize that despite his
best efforts, most were not interested in what he was offering.
“Keep it simple,
talk to those around you like you’re talking to a fourth grader,” was a comment
he received from others. Feeling like a deflated balloon, he began to wonder
about the passion he had for excellence, the disdain he received from others as
they realized that he and they were in radical different realities. “What you
say is confusing,” is another comment he would often receive.
“Well, there’s not
much I can do about that,” he would say to himself. “If others had moved
themselves to a place where there is no intellectual or academic challenge, I shouldn’t
be surprised that they cannot keep up and become confused.”
At the same time,
he struggled to avoid pride and arrogance, knowing that pride is man’s greatest
downfall. He worked very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt,
wondering if his words or actions actually accomplished what he hoped to
accomplish in his own life or in the lives of others.
“Ugh, there is
nothing worse than looking into the face of someone else as I’m explaining myself
and only seeing confusion,” he grumbled to himself. “What to do, what to do.”
As the years continued to pass, he could feel himself drifting away from any
genuine contact with others, knowing that his passion to help and educate was
typically ignored and found confusing by most of those with whom he interacted.
“They will hate
you because of me,” was the phrase that often came to mind as he failed in his
attempts at connecting with most people. “Ugh, describing excellent music, excellent
art, challenging academia, and anything of genuine beauty always fails,” he
grumbled to himself. “I suppose I need to resolve myself to the fact that I
operate on a different plane, in a different reality, and on a different level
than ninety-nine percent of the people with whom I interact.”
Day after day,
week after week, month after month, and year after year, he began focusing on
learning from those in the past, whose lives were built around rejecting the inanity
of the world, the emptiness of vanity, and the lack of focus on things of
value. “The goal is not wealth, the goal is not comfort, the goal is not distraction
but instead is a difficult path of challenge and the pursuit of holiness, being
different from the rest of the world.”
His library
continued to grow, his written output continually increased, and his
interaction with those around the world grew into the thousands, positively
impacting their lives, pressing them toward holiness, toward a passion for that
which is good and right, and encouraging them to think about actual reality, on
the end goal of holiness, and the tools for achieving the practice of loving
one’s neighbor.
“If you don’t love
your neighbor,” he told them, “then you cannot love God.” The path that Ambrose
chose was a difficult one, a journey that required dependence not upon himself
or his own strength but upon listening to, focusing on, and seeking the
guidance of the Holy Spirit. He knew that he was not strong enough, that he was
too easily distracted, and could not depend upon himself to reach the end goal.
He maintained his
many routines, his struggle against his passions, and continually hoped for
someone to move into his life that would offer wisdom, guidance, strength, and
love. He hoped that his person would move him toward holiness and hopefully he would
help them move toward holiness, a beautiful image of reciprocity. The reality
of his connection to the past, the high bar set by the holy ones of centuries
before made his longed-for new reality one that would most likely never come to
pass.
Decades of disappointment,
in others and in himself, left him in this position of solitude, with a level
of excellence so above and beyond, that he could only continue to struggle,
refusing to lower himself to others less than adequate expectations. He created
a metaphor in his mind of a parallel of a man knowing the quality of prime rib
and being asked to be content with bologna. Like one who had grown up with
classical music and being told to be content with country western music.
Stubbornness,
resistance, and a refusal to succumb to the low standards kept him in this
solitary place, ever moving forward, upward, and toward an eternity that
promised true joy and contentment as opposed to the drivel and emptiness
offered by ignorance and distraction. “Better solitude and holiness than disappearing
into a crowd of insignificance,” he thought.