Lost in Excellence

 

Ambrose grew up in a family of those radically different from himself with nothing more on their mind but television, sports, and the pursuit of social interaction. Fortunately, he inherited his grandfather’s intelligence, passion for excellence, and love of music. He always knew that he was the outsider, the odd one, that one child with whom no one could seem to connect. He put in a great effort to be sociable, to be athletic, and to connect with others, but all along it all felt so foreign and contrary to his nature.

It was when he finally reached high school that the stark reality of his robust contrariness became painfully aware. He had many acquaintances and very few actual friends, for there was almost no one with whom he could connect on any level, whether it be intellectually, academically, or spiritually. He passed through each day of life, knowing that those around him were blissfully unaware of the depth, width, and potential that life offered them.

The more he interacted, the more he realized that almost no one else was interested in becoming something great, missing out on so much potential for growth, and the pursuit of excellence. The distraction of school, its social cliques, and its empty vanity drove him away from the possible path of university, for he knew that four more years of education would be more of the same environment.

After graduation, he poured himself into self-taught education, choosing topics of interest to make himself as widely educated as possible, choosing music, philosophy, religion, and anthropology to make the greatest effort to understand how all fields of knowledge connected, and how people approached life. As each year passed by, he became more and more disappointed in the trajectory of those around him, all of them seemed content with mediocrity.

Unwilling to condescend to the status quo, he made every effort to find answers to the many questions that plagued him, writing down questions and then finding answers. In what seemed to be one out of a thousand, he would find someone who was moderately interested in similar fields as he, which would occasionally stimulate conversations that barely scratched the surface of where his mind was going.

He finally gave up any hope of ever finding someone with a heart and mind like his, to instead pour himself into wife and children, doing all he could to support them both financially and emotionally. Not one to distract himself with toys, he put great effort into making the most of their financial situation, improving every detail of their lives to move them forward with greater goals in mind.

He and his made every effort to improve their situation, moving from one house to another, one community to another, one city to another, one state to another, and eventually landed with good people who encouraged them all toward that which was good and right. With this new community, he could feel a good shift in their reality as they were able to get away from the empty mediocrity of the common communities that had surrounded them for so many decades.

Like one moving from a meal of fast food to home cooking, he could see the difference in quality, but it was several years later that he finally realized that the previous step upward was only a good first move, for there was much more out there and ahead of them which was considerably better, capable of bringing them to an even better place.

Many more years passed, and Ambrose only continued to be disappointed with ninety-nine percent of the population as they were all content with mediocrity, while he was pushing himself to become more, to become better, and to be one who offered something of excellence to those around him. It made him sad to realize that despite his best efforts, most were not interested in what he was offering.

“Keep it simple, talk to those around you like you’re talking to a fourth grader,” was a comment he received from others. Feeling like a deflated balloon, he began to wonder about the passion he had for excellence, the disdain he received from others as they realized that he and they were in radical different realities. “What you say is confusing,” is another comment he would often receive.

“Well, there’s not much I can do about that,” he would say to himself. “If others had moved themselves to a place where there is no intellectual or academic challenge, I shouldn’t be surprised that they cannot keep up and become confused.”

At the same time, he struggled to avoid pride and arrogance, knowing that pride is man’s greatest downfall. He worked very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt, wondering if his words or actions actually accomplished what he hoped to accomplish in his own life or in the lives of others.

“Ugh, there is nothing worse than looking into the face of someone else as I’m explaining myself and only seeing confusion,” he grumbled to himself. “What to do, what to do.” As the years continued to pass, he could feel himself drifting away from any genuine contact with others, knowing that his passion to help and educate was typically ignored and found confusing by most of those with whom he interacted.

“They will hate you because of me,” was the phrase that often came to mind as he failed in his attempts at connecting with most people. “Ugh, describing excellent music, excellent art, challenging academia, and anything of genuine beauty always fails,” he grumbled to himself. “I suppose I need to resolve myself to the fact that I operate on a different plane, in a different reality, and on a different level than ninety-nine percent of the people with whom I interact.”

Day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, he began focusing on learning from those in the past, whose lives were built around rejecting the inanity of the world, the emptiness of vanity, and the lack of focus on things of value. “The goal is not wealth, the goal is not comfort, the goal is not distraction but instead is a difficult path of challenge and the pursuit of holiness, being different from the rest of the world.”

His library continued to grow, his written output continually increased, and his interaction with those around the world grew into the thousands, positively impacting their lives, pressing them toward holiness, toward a passion for that which is good and right, and encouraging them to think about actual reality, on the end goal of holiness, and the tools for achieving the practice of loving one’s neighbor.

“If you don’t love your neighbor,” he told them, “then you cannot love God.” The path that Ambrose chose was a difficult one, a journey that required dependence not upon himself or his own strength but upon listening to, focusing on, and seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit. He knew that he was not strong enough, that he was too easily distracted, and could not depend upon himself to reach the end goal.

He maintained his many routines, his struggle against his passions, and continually hoped for someone to move into his life that would offer wisdom, guidance, strength, and love. He hoped that his person would move him toward holiness and hopefully he would help them move toward holiness, a beautiful image of reciprocity. The reality of his connection to the past, the high bar set by the holy ones of centuries before made his longed-for new reality one that would most likely never come to pass.

Decades of disappointment, in others and in himself, left him in this position of solitude, with a level of excellence so above and beyond, that he could only continue to struggle, refusing to lower himself to others less than adequate expectations. He created a metaphor in his mind of a parallel of a man knowing the quality of prime rib and being asked to be content with bologna. Like one who had grown up with classical music and being told to be content with country western music.

Stubbornness, resistance, and a refusal to succumb to the low standards kept him in this solitary place, ever moving forward, upward, and toward an eternity that promised true joy and contentment as opposed to the drivel and emptiness offered by ignorance and distraction. “Better solitude and holiness than disappearing into a crowd of insignificance,” he thought.