The Call of the Chocolate

 

Jonathan could only stand and look. He was too short to reach the top shelf and the chocolate bar contained therein. The room behind him lacked anything upon which he could stand and jumping availed him nothing. He even took a few steps back, for a running start, but only ended up smashing against the back wall of the closet.

He had a craving for chocolate like nobody’s business. He could even see it sitting on that top shelf, calling his name, mocking him. He knew full well the Aesop’s fable of sour grapes and he also knew full well that this would not be the end of his story. He needed that chocolate. It would not be a stretch at all to call him a junkie.

Turning his back to the closet, he could still hear the chocolate calling him. He paced around the room, sliding his fingers along the walls as he walked. There were no doors, no windows, no furniture and worst of all, no recollection of how he came to be in such an odd place. He stopped pacing and stood perfectly still, holding his breath and listening for anything, any sound whatsoever, but he heard nothing. Walking back to the closet, he stood and looked at the sliver of chocolate peeking over the edge of the shelf, tempting him to reach for it.

As far as he knew, he had always loved chocolate. He could feel its pull, its embrace, its appealing sweetness coursing through his veins. It had been a part of him forever, as far as he was concerned. “I mean, really,” he thought, “why not? It’s somewhat sweet, somewhat bitter. It’s natural and some have argued, it’s even good for you, in moderation, of course.”

This was an argument that had played over in his mind a million times. He examined it, twisted it, and spun it around, in every possible shape and his conclusion was always the same. Walking to the opposite wall, he leaned against it and slid to a sitting position, still staring at that tiny sliver of heaven on earth. Eventually closing his eyes, he took several deep breaths and began to resign himself to the fact that he may never taste chocolate again.

It was the clearing of a throat that caught his attention at that moment. With his head still tilted back and leaning against the wall, he slowly cracked open one eye and was immediately aware of the fact that a short and very fat man was standing in the opposite corner of the room. “Hey… what… who are you and where did you come from?” he asked.

“Who I am is irrelevant,” the man said. “The issue here is you. You are clearly at a loss of what to do and you seem to be teetering on the brink of giving up. I popped in for a moment to remind you that everything here is an illusion and therefore irrelevant as well. The closet, the walls, the floor, the ceiling, even the chocolate. It is all an illusion. To put it in the simplest terms, whether you eat the chocolate or do not eat the chocolate, doesn’t matter and the outcome will be the same. I hope that helps.”

Quickly standing up, Jonathan looked back at the corner but realized that the fat little man was gone. “Honestly, no, that was not helpful at all,” he said. “That does nothing to address my current desire for chocolate.” Walking again to the closet, he stared up at the corner of a chocolate bar peeking down upon him and mocking his vertical handicap.

“You know,” a heavily accented voice called out from the opposite corner, “You know that there were most likely some sort of animal products used in the manufacture of that chocolate.” With a sigh, Jonathan turned around to see a second individual staring at him with a rather dry scowl upon his face.

“Oh, great, now who are you?” he asked.

“You can call me Moe,” the man said, “surely you understand that eating chocolate like that is a clear violation of the rules. You just need to put that out of your head and  call out to God for help.”

“God? Seriously?” Jonathan answered. “And what do you mean by ‘a violation of the rules’? What rules? Whose rules?”

“Surely you cannot be that stupid,” Moe answered. “I speak of the rules that pertain to everyone. We must follow the rules or “they” will have to punish you now so that you can avoid the punishment that comes in the afterlife. But even then you cannot be too sure. God may just decide to punish you anyway.”

“Uh, thanks but no thanks,” Jonathan answered. Sitting down inside the closet, the small corner of the chocolate bar peeking down upon him, Jonathan rested his head in his hands and tried to piece together what had just happened. Looking up, the odd, hairy little man with the heavy accent had disappeared as well. Struggling to his feet, he stepped out of the closet to meet a very average man with a very long beard, who smelled rather sharp and earthy.

“Ho, wow, who are you?” he asked.

“I’m nobody special,” the man answered, “but you can call me Joe. We’ve been watching you for quite some time and honestly, I can completely relate.”

“Huh, well that’s somewhat encouraging,” Jonathan said. “So what’s your take on my problem?”

“Honestly,” Joe said, “don’t feel too special or too odd about your predicament. That problem is as old as the world. Contrary to what the first guy said, it is a real problem with real ramifications. And contrary to the second guy, it is not about rules. At all. The real question is about consequences. What will be the consequences of eating that chocolate? Will it help you? Will it harm you? Will it make you a better person? You’re not the first person to have this intense craving and this lack of ability to resolve it. Just know that you’re not alone and we are here to help if you want.” Stepping into the closet, the odd, earthy little man closed the closet door behind him.

“Okay,” Jonathan said, “I’m not sure that is really that helpful either.” Reaching out and taking hold of the door handle, Jonathan pulled it open and looked to try to catch a glimpse of the chocolate. But the closet was gone. The shelves were gone, the small space was gone and, most importantly, the chocolate was gone.

“Well then, I guess… hmm… okay.”