Douglas leaned back in his seat as
his senior year of high school began to draw to a close, still uncertain about
his path forward once he graduated. Some of his associates strongly suggested
that he attend university and put his always active mind to work to find a
good, strong, and valuable new vocation. While others suggested that he enroll
in some branch of the military. He was torn, he was indecisive, and he
struggled with making a decision for there were few people in his life that he
considered wise or intelligent enough to follow their advice.
The
last day of school came to an end and three days later, the graduation ceremony
took place amidst the cheers of hundreds of audience members. He crossed the
stage, received his diploma, returned to his seat and watched his few friends
follow the same process as he had just completed. The formal ceremony was over,
and dozens of people entered his parent’s home to wish him well, continually
badgering him to give an answer about his future plans.
The
outdoors grew dark, Douglas could feel himself declining into fatigue,
exhaustion, and a desire to escape from too much social interaction. Eleven
o’clock rolled around as he and his parents said goodbye to the last guests. While
not one who was known for exercising self-control, he succumbed to the urge to
eat the remaining desserts that remained on the kitchen table, to then escape
to his bedroom, review his two options, either university or the military.
He
sat down at his desk in his bedroom, slowly thumbed through the pile of
paperwork and woke up the next morning with his forehead resting on the desk in
a puddle of drool. “Oof, that was a bad idea,” he grumbled. “Okay then, now is
the time to make that decision, I think I’ve had enough of submission to
academic authority, being forced to provide the answers the professors want to
hear, so I guess that means I’ll be going into the Navy.” Slowly and gently
lifting himself from his desk, he took a shower, put on soft and comfortable
clothes, did some light stretching, unable to touch his toes as his stomach had
grown too large for his frame.
He
staggered from his room, shuffled into the kitchen, poured himself a very large
mug of coffee, sat down at the table with his father and shared that he finally
made the decision to become part of the Navy. “I think that is a great idea,”
his father said, “taking on a military life will give you a life structure in
which to learn obedience and self-control. You turned eighteen about three
weeks ago, so I would strongly suggest going in to the Navy office today to
take care of the paperwork.”
Finishing
his coffee, his peanut butter toast and a banana, he rose from his seat, patted
his father on his back and agreed with his suggestion for the day. He began a
slow walk down the hallway to meet his mother as she emerged from the bathroom,
the two of them shared a hug and he shared with her his plan to enter the Navy,
“Dad can give you the details while you eat your breakfast.”
After
finishing lunch that day, he borrowed his mother’s car and drove to the Navy
enlistment office to engage in a robust and exciting conversation about his
plans, to sign paperwork and learn that he had five weeks before he needed to
travel to the nearest Navy port. He shook hands with the enrollment officer,
drove home, and shared the details with his mother about the meeting. He could
see the look of disappointment on her face when he notified her that he would
be departing for the open sea in five weeks.
In
what became a monthly pattern, he wrote a letter home to his parents sharing
very little about what he was doing, anything about where he was, and his plan
to re-enlist once his current duty was complete. Six years passed giving
Douglas a great deal of time to make more plans about what to do when he
finished his time of enlistment once he returned home. As his tour came to an
end, the massive ship departed its current position in the Middle East and
arrived at port on the coast of the western United States.
Thrilled
at the prospect of being a regular US citizen once again, and having the option
to take on a regular job with a consistent income, to spend time with friends
and family members, as the ship docked, he hurried across the parking lot to
hug his parents as they had driven many hours to bring their boy home. Passionate
and thrilled at the forthcoming home cooked meals when he arrived at home, he
retrieved his gear from the trunk, hurried inside, took a shower, and found his
mind whirling at who he would visit first after eating dinner.
Now
over twenty-four years of age, he placed multiple phone calls, notifying
friends and family that he was now home for good and was looking forward to
spending time reconnecting with them over the next several days. Douglas, his
father, and his mother finished their dinner, sat together in the living room
and began watching television until he fell asleep to awaken to a dark and
silent house. “Ugh, that was a bad idea,” he thought, “time to crawl into bed
and sleep well.”
A
full stomach, a comfortable bed, and the silence of a regular home without the
gentle rocking of the ocean beneath him, allowed him to sleep well and feel
rested the next morning. Staggering out of bed, he looked at himself in the
mirror and made the decision to grow a beard, as he had been clean shaven for
the last six years. Carefully creating clean edges to a beard that would
eventually fill in over the next several months, he dressed in civilian clothes
and joined his parents for breakfast.
When
the meal was completed, he found a blanket from the closet, slipped outside and
laid in the back lawn under the warm sun to enjoy a normal life without being
surrounded by fellow soldiers, seagulls, and the constant rocking of the ocean.
The beauty, warmth, and comfort lulled him back to sleep to be awakened less
than an hour later by his three best friends who had driven over to see him.
“Hey,
Douglas, wake up,” one of them said giving him a gentle kick in his right calf.
“We’ve been talking with several of the guys and we’re all going to get
together today and find you a good job.”
“Ugh,
hey guys, it’s great to see you,” Douglas said. “Yeah, that sounds great, let’s
see what we can put together.” He rolled to his side, stood up, and wandered
into the house with his three friends. “Hang on, I need to brush my teeth, my
mouth tastes like something died in it.”
“Yes,
please do,” one of them said, “the last thing we need is for you to have jungle
breath as we’re trapped in the car with you.”
The
four young men, all around the age of twenty-four shuffled out to the car,
drove into town and met at a local pub to enjoy a cool pint, some chicken
wings, and engage in social conversation. The table was soon full of good
friends all thrilled that Douglas had returned after being gone for so long.
“Oh,
hey, a few of us had a good idea,” one of them said, “the pastor at the local
independent church just retired and we were thinking that you could easily step
in and takeover that role as pastor. You’ve always had a great gift at teaching
and leadership; we all can meet with the elders there and see how that
conversation goes.
“Oh,
wow,” Douglas said, “sure that could be an interesting conversation, yes, I
agree that would be a great job and an opportunity to educate and guide people
who need help in that area.” The four young men finished their beer, their
snacks, and left the pub to meet with the elders for a two-hour meeting. The
meeting came to a beautiful and encouraging conclusion with an invitation for
Douglas to take the pulpit the next weekend.
“Thank
you so much for the invitation,” Douglas said, “I’ll have a sermon ready for
next weekend. I believe this will be a perfect arrangement for everyone
involved, we’ll stay in touch and keep this congregation growing and
succeeding.” After six months of occasionally preaching, he met a wonderful
young lady to whom he eventually proposed and began growing a family of his
own.
Douglas
accepted the position as head pastor, saw growth in the congregation, and
eventually the congregation began forming other congregations in surrounding
cities as he began writing books, delivering lectures, holding debates, and
forming more organizations built on what his imagination called authentic
Christianity. Two decades passed with continued growth, until many other groups
in the area began opposing the different theological positions and beliefs he
continued to espouse.
Now
with a congregation of twelve hundred people, his phone beeped with a message
from his secretary that three college girls from the congregation wanted to
meet with him at some point today to discuss an idea they had to raise money
for the college group. “Yes, that sounds good, Ellen,” he said, “I think I can
meet with them today at three o’clock, do you have any idea what they are
thinking?”
“I’m
sorry, Pastor Douglas, I do not,” she said, “you should probably record the
conversation so that no details are missed or misunderstood.”
“That
is a great idea,” he said, “please contact them and tell them to be here at
three o’clock today.”
Releasing
a long and tired breath, he leaned back in his chair and realized that his
stomach had grown disgustingly large after leaving the Navy. “Alright, let’s
see here,” he thought, glancing at his watch, “I have two hours before they
arrive, I am so curious what this is about.” Manspreading his legs, he leaned
his forehead on his desk and took a short nap before his next meeting. The
alarm on his phone sounded at two-forty-five, giving him a few moments to wake
up, clear his head, and be prepared for the mysterious meeting.
Rising
from his desk, he slowly walked around the church office, feeling slightly
winded, feeling remarkably fat and out of shape. He saw a car pull into the
parking lot and quickly returned to his office to set up his phone to video
record the meeting before the trio of college girls arrived with their
thoughts. He sat down, arranged his phone and heard a light knock on his door.
“Yes, please come in,” he said.
The
three girls entered his office wearing yoga pants and sports bras, looking
slightly sweaty and excited to share their idea. “Please take a seat and tell
me what you’re thinking,” he said.
“Thank
you for meeting with us,” one of them said. “The college group is always
looking for ways to raise money so we can organize events to draw more people
into our church. Here is our idea,” she continued, “there are about thirty
people in the college group and someone came up with the idea of having a
topless car wash, which I am sure would raise a great deal of money.”
“Oh
my,” he said, “here, write your names, your phone numbers and the names of your
parents in this notebook. I will need to meet with the elders and discuss if
this would be a wise or safe idea to pursue.” Each girl took the notebook,
wrote down the requested information and returned the notebook to him.
“Very
good, thank you,” Douglas said, “I’ll be in touch once a decision is made.”
He
watched the girls leave his office, and immediately placed multiple phone calls
to the elders of the Church to share the idea just communicated to him. After
four brief conversations with the elders, he then placed calls to the girls’
parents about their idea. The next evening, Pastor Douglas and the elders met
to discuss in detail the possibility of pursuing an event like this to raise
money for the college group.
“If
we are going to pursue an event like this,” one of the elders said, “it will
need to take place somewhere that is not visible to the general public, it will
need to be discreet and hidden so we do not get into trouble with indecent
exposure.” The decision was made to allow this event to take place if this
criterion was met.
“Okay,
I’ll make the phone calls,” Douglas said, “and I’ll report back the details to
all of you when those decisions are made.” The elders left his office, giving
him a few minutes to make the necessary phone calls, in which he put the rules
in place, to learn that a location had already been chosen, inside of an
abandoned warehouse that could not be seen from the street or sidewalk.
Two
weekends later, the topless carwash took place and the college group earned
over one thousand dollars for their efforts. Unsurprisingly, the majority of
their customers were middle aged men, college guys, and high school boys, more
than happy to pay for a car wash and soapy show. As five o’clock that afternoon
arrived, they called in those advertising with signs, closed the doors and
happily counted their money.
Three
months later, Douglas was invited to speak at a town wide conference, to
explain and defend his various positions on slavery, on alcohol, on abortion,
and the appropriate role of women in the marriage relationship. He and two
other men sat the front of the auditorium to discuss and debate these topics
while the auditorium was nearly filled with almost one thousand people. Two
microphones were placed on the floor at the front of the stage to allow for
questions to be asked and clarified.
There
was an awkward pause in the discussion, when a very loud, powerful voice boomed
from the center of the room, “Why..are..you..so..fat?” it asked. Douglas looked
down at his stomach which was hanging below the seat upon which he sat. A very short
man approached one of the microphones and shared his thoughts on the question.
“It
seems to me that Pastor Douglas has no concept of the idea of self-control as
he clearly eats way too much with no seeming ability to eat only what is
necessary to keep his body in good form,” the man said. No more thoughts or
words were shared at this point, so Douglas and the other two men sat on the
stage and watched the auditorium slowly empty.
“Well,
that was an odd ending,” Douglas said. “I wish I had the opportunity to provide
an answer. Overall, that conference seemed to be an attack upon what we are
preaching and teaching at our congregation. I would say that most in the
auditorium were vehemently opposed to our existence and goals.”
“Yes,
I agree,” one of the other men said. “It is unfortunate that you were not able
to better communicate your position on leniency for those guilty of pedophilia
and possession of child pornography. The mere fact that there are five
instances of people connected with your congregation and other congregations
being guilty of these crimes has a great number of people fighting against you.
This is something you need to directly address and answer. The abuse of
children is not something that normal people will ignore. You need to take a
harder stand on this topic and deal with this among your own people and the
other congregations that are associated with you.”
“From
what we are seeing in the national news,” the other man said, “this crime
against children is growing at an exponential rate across the entire country.
You need to be more vocal, more direct, and more aggressive against those
guilty of these crimes. Those people not connected to any church will not
understand the idea of not condemning others especially when it is in regards
to protecting children.”
“Yes,
I completely agree,” Douglas said as he pulled himself to his feet, breathing
hard and shuffling across the stage to descend to the auditorium floor and
drive home. His mind was a whirlwind about how to answer these questions about
pedophilia and child pornography. “Wow, this is going to take a great deal of
thought, planning, and explanation,” the thought. “I cannot soft sell this
problem, it needs to be directly addressed, confronted and answered.”
Heaving
himself from his car as he parked near his back door, he shuffled up the
sidewalk, ascended the four steps to pass through the back door, ridiculously
winded he sat down on his recliner to watch the news and wait for his wife to
join him for a discussion about the conference.
“So
how did the conference go?” she asked.
“From
my perspective, it did not go very well,” he answered, “there were at least one
thousand people there and it seemed that almost everyone was opposed to my
explanations, my answers, and everything we teach at our congregation. Oh,
also, something funny, there was a pause in the discussion when someone in the
auditorium asked in a very loud voice, why I was so fat. Unfortunately, I did
not have the opportunity to give an answer, a random man from the audience
spoke up first and said that I clearly had no self-control when it came to
eating.”
“Speaking
of eating, dinner will be ready in about thirty minutes,” she said. “You
probably have time to take a short nap if you so desire. It will be just you
and I eating together tonight, the children have other plans.”