Shaped

 

            Nicolai woke that morning mere moments before his alarm, knowing what the day would contain, knowing that an overly sweet, heavily frosted sheet cake would be waiting for him at a two o'clock coffee break for the entire office. Other than the pending ten-year anniversary party, the day otherwise felt normal, and he opted for plain oatmeal, knowing that a piece of cake would infuse far too much sugar into his system, easily for the day and probably for the week.

              It was an uneventful trip on the bus, aside from the numberless beggars, the overpowering stench of urine, and a very old man wearing no pants and standing much too close to him. Praying that the stench and the ick of his travel would clear out before he entered the office, he walked into the building to see a massive banner overtop the elevator, congratulating him on his anniversary. He stepped out from behind the sliding doors to receive a steaming white chocolate mocha from the receptionist, to greet nearly everyone in the office before he escaped to his own private office.

              The day progressed like any other day, the standard twenty minutes of preparation before the first meeting, a brief overview of what the week would hold, to be followed by three phone calls, one after the other, from his three largest customers. Twelve o'clock clicked by and he accepted a lunch offer from the VP of Operations, a lunch of sushi that he could not turn down. As he passed by marketing department, he caught sight of a new face, a girl possibly two or three years younger than he, smiling and pretty, offering him a quick but subtle wave.

              Partway through the lunch, Nicolai asked about the new girl to learn that she had been hired over the weekend and would be taking on the role of assistant manager of marketing. The bubbly and friendly Leslie had graduated at the top of her class and spent the last five years working her way up to greater and greater heights in marketing for the US branch of a French perfume manufacturer. Nicolai stored this information in his memory banks, as well as the girl's friendly demeanor and beautiful face.

              At exactly 2:01 he hung up the phone and hurried down the hallway to the conference room already filled with his co-workers, offering words of congratulation and an incredibly large piece of cake. He took a seat directly across from Leslie to engage in conversation, wanting to learn about her transition from what was clearly a successful role, to their company, a relatively boring and low-profile cardboard manufacturer. The two immediately connected, stirring up feelings in his heart and stomach, the type of which he had not felt since his last girlfriend in college.

              Thanking everyone for their kind words and joy at his ten-year anniversary, he choked down the last bite of cake, to be chased by a large swallow of black coffee to counter the sugar coursing through his veins. Days and weeks followed until Nicolai mustered up enough courage to ask Leslie out for dinner on the coming weekend. They finally exchanged phone numbers and he felt like a college boy again, marveling at the brightness and joy in her eyes each time they engaged. He had never known someone so abundant in happiness and life and after three dates on three consecutive weekends, they agreed to maintain their relationship at work on a professional level but spend as much time together outside of the office.

              Their relationship was a known fact throughout the entire company, and he couldn't help himself to cross that line from co-worker to girlfriend, nearly getting caught together in the copy room by a younger male co-worker who promised to keep the obvious indiscretion to himself, giving Nicolai a subtle wink and nod.

              Nicolai and Leslie's relationship continued to mature, and he began a special bank account to save up for an engagement ring, planning to pop the question the week before Thanksgiving. Three months before the preplanned date, he noticed a distinct change in Leslie's demeanor. She began to withdraw, to look tired and irritated, and distracted by something which he couldn't quite pin down. Their interaction in the office took an odd turn as she seemed to be avoiding him at every opportunity, even going out of her way to not engage in dialog or eye contact.

              Her bright, friendly, charming personality had taken a turn into darkness, along with her choice of apparel, wearing more black, more gray, and more provocative, seeming to intentionally seek out attention from other male co-workers until finally she declined his plans for dinner for the coming weekend.

              Nicolai closed and locked his office door, rested his forehead on his desk and tried to understand what was happening, but he could identify nothing that he had done that would trigger such behavior in her. At the end of the day, he walked past the storage closet to hear a sound of thumping and heavy breathing, which caused him to pause and open the door to see Leslie with her mini skirt hiked up around her waist and his co-worker Alan directly behind her.

              The two of them locked eyes and he quickly shut the door, took the elevator to the parking lot, and sat for a few moments in silence, trembling and sick to his stomach, trying unsuccessfully to drive the image from his mind. "Well, I guess that's it, it's done for," he thought, "there's nothing else to do at this point."

              That evening he called the office manager to request a full week a vacation, for personal reasons, he said, needing time to piece together a modified new reality that did not include Leslie. He rented a car the next morning, drove to Palm Springs, rented a room, and tried to interact with as many people as possible, to cover up, obscure, and erase the pain of a loss that he never saw coming. He managed to burn through the money he had saved up for the engagement ring, thrilled at the new interactions in a new place with complete strangers, a vacation that he didn't know that he needed.

              After the third day away, his phone began to ring incessantly, a number he immediately recognized as Leslie's, wondering what kind of story she would concoct and fabricate, assuming that she would blame him for her behavior. He let them all go to voicemail, figuring that by the end of the week, if he felt so motivated, he would take the time to hear her out.

              The messages started out reasonably enough but grew longer and more pitiful, as she eventually began begging him to forgive her, that she was going through a rough time, and she wanted to make it right. The last message consisted of her crying and trying to talk, most of her words incoherent and worthy of pity. He knew he had two more days before he would return to the office, with the impossible task of trying to avoid seeing and interacting with her.

              He spent the next two evenings at home, re-establishing his routine, his diet, and his exercise regiment, feeling rested when he woke on Monday morning, still uncertain how he was going to react seeing Leslie for the first time in over a week. He took a slightly earlier bus that morning, picked up a coffee on the way to the office, and arrived before almost everyone else, keeping an eye on who exited the elevator until the clock reached 7:59, to watch Leslie hurry past his office, dressed as she had before her horrific decline.

              He could see that she was trying hard to look and act normal, but the brightness in her eyes was gone and she looked dead inside, stirring up feelings of sorrow and pity for her, still wondering how to proceed. He intentionally avoided her for the whole week, until a gaggle of female co-workers cornered him near the coffee machine, demanding that he forget what had happened and give Leslie another chance.

              The weekend passed as he binge watched the latest show on his favorite streaming service, to bring Monday morning into his lap far too soon. As he arrived at the office, he decided to ease his way into interaction with her, still feeling connected with her but feeling sad as well. Each day felt a little bit better, and he could see the brightness coming back into her eyes, as they briefly interacted each day, a little longer each time, until they met for lunch on Friday.

              As they sat together eating ramen, he could see her anguish and shame, he could see her internally struggling, her right hand tempting her to reach out and touch his left hand. He knew that he had not been the best person in the world, so he crossed the space and took hold of her hand before she could act. The simple act of humility on his part sent a wave of relief and relaxation across her, it was as if she had just slightly melted, and he could see tears well up in her eyes.

              The next several months were a replay of their original relationship after meeting for the first time, and he was thrilled to once again begin saving money, urging her to talk to him, to share her concerns, her fears, and whatever struggles she was having, knowing that communication would be the key that would prevent their relationship from following the path it had previously taken.

              The next Monday, he arrived early to be embraced by four different women in the office, each of them thanking him for being a good person, for giving Leslie a chance, and asking him if he needed them to do anything. He thanked them for their encouragement and told each one that he needed them to watch out for her, to help her avoid falling down again, and alert him to anything dark going on in her life.

               The joy returned to his days, and eventually the brightness, the life, and the happiness resurfaced in Leslie, which further amplified the joy he was already feeling.