Lost on the Palouse

 

            Peter had just exited I-90 onto exit 245 heading into the tiny town of Sprague to see a handful of homes, a restaurant, a gas station, and a cannabis dispensary. He had heard stories of the beauty of the rolling wheat fields, the endless, non-descript curving roads touched only by rock and sparse brush outside of the fields and could not resist the temptation to take the drive to see it for himself, thrilled at the prospect of walking through such glory.

              At just below a quarter of a tank, he pulled into the gas station to experience possibly the slowest pump known to mankind, scrubbing the multitude of bugs from his windshield as he waited, but finding that he still had more time, he washed the rear and side windows as well. Waiting even longer still, memories of buying bags of weed from the stoner kid in high school tempted him to pull across the street and indulge in an activity he had not partaken of in years, following the recommendation of the young girl behind the counter, a pungent, lemony strain, promising increased cerebral activity and an energy boost.

              Returning to his foray into the swirling, winding chaos of the open Palouse, he found himself surrounded by rocky, uneven, barren fields of sagebrush spotted by the occasional bovine, coyote, and deer. Rounding an uphill corner, he was forced to quickly swerve around a dead and bloating porcupine in the center of his lane, fortunate to meet no other traffic in his abrupt swing into the other lane.  Thirty minutes into his drive, he departed from the highway to a side road that, if his memory served correctly, led into the rolling wheat fields had been promised.

              Staying true to its word, the landscape rapidly shifted from barren rocks to wheat fields, which seemed to have no end, until he came across a wide turn off that allowed him free access to safe parking and what seemed to be the highest hill within shouting distance. Retrieving his single pre-roll encased in glass, a lighter, and several bottles of water, he walked to the top of the tallest hill and surveyed the surroundings, developing a plan in his mind of distance and direction that would hopefully prevent him from becoming lost in this rolling, directionless, and unhindered freedom of brown hills and blue sky.

              In a perfect balance of ascent and descent, he was thankful to see that most locations lay within range of a cellphone tower, and he puffed his lemony goodness, noting the sharp contrast between the tropical flavored smoke and the wheaty, dusty surroundings. Frequently glancing back to the high point that marked the beginning of this journey, he kept a second eye on the movement of the sun, triangulating his path, his point of origin, and his basic speed but soon came to realize that everything suddenly looked the same, having lost direct sight of his starting point. Cresting the zenith of his current hill, he sat down and surveyed everything surrounding him, his emotions a whirlwind, a fight between the possibility of being lost and the calming effect of the cannabis, while at the same time, feeling energized to continue his journey.

              Minus the few minutes he spent ruminating on his current condition, he noted that he had been walking for just over ninety minutes and found himself torn between two different directions to find his way back to his car, the road, and the way home, as visions of himself as an emaciated, dried, and slowly swelling corpse lying in the dust, harassed by crows, by worms, and the occasional fox, having fallen into a dead zone with no cell coverage, his family tormented at his unexplained silence. Shaking his head and focusing on a brighter future, he made a decision and began walking back, he guessed, to the direction from which he had come.

              Forty-five minutes into his return, he still felt completely disoriented but continued his path based on his interpretation of solar movement, trusting that the road would soon appear, hopefully fronted by his vehicle, growing hotter as the early summer sun beat down upon its closed interior. He finished his last bottle of water to joyfully recognize the black snaking asphalt still a fair distance ahead, breathing a sigh of relief, he eventually stepped through the ditch, with no car in sight, either his or any other, now faced with another decision, uncertain of the wisdom of a left or right turn, his sense of direction completely absent.

              Scraping a shallow divot with his heel, he planted an empty water bottle to mark the location he reached the roadway, before turning to the left hopefully find his car sooner than later, with every stretch of road containing nothing to stir his memory of the drive. He walked along the white line keeping track of his travel time and after thirty minutes he stopped, dug another shallow hole, and planted another bottle to mark his progress, frustrated with the realization that he had just spent the last thirty minutes walking in the direction opposite of his vehicle.

              The idea of aimless wandering, lost on the Palouse, and never seeing his family again crossed his mind more times than he could count and with no other option before him, he reversed his path, to walk another thirty minutes back to the first planted water bottle, to only continue on, finding his car no more than a mile beyond the point he had escaped the endless rolling hills. Sliding his back down the side of the car into the small block of shade he sat to enjoy a brief reprieve from the oppressive heat, wringing out his shirt, while feeling both ridiculous and thankful for resolving his potentially fatal situation.

              He jolted awake at the sound of aggressive sniffing, to see a fully grown cow only inches from his face. He made a mental note of the semi-darkness in which he now sat, concerned and confused how he had fallen asleep in this hot, dry, barren wasteland. His tongue felt as if it had swollen to three times its normal size, his rosy, red skin felt as if had been absorbing far too many hours of direct sunshine, and he knew that his family, now so far away would have grown concerned at his long absence and his failure to call or send the occasional text.

              Tired, sore, dry, and ridiculously thirsty, he rose slowly to his feet and considered the multi-hour drive that lay ahead of him. The thought of driving over the pass well past midnight was not a happy consideration but he knew that he had no other choice. Driving until he picked up enough bars on his phone to send a text, he stopped in front of someone’s driveway and sent the message that he was on his way home and wouldn’t be there until very early morning.

              Looking at his watch more times than he could count, he determined that, all things being equal, he would arrive home around three in the morning. His speedometer continued to climb higher and higher as he pushed his luck, hoping to get home sooner than later. Pulled from a semi-sleep by flashing red and blue lights, he pulled to the edge of the road, turned on his dome light, waiting for the officer to appear at his window.

              Knowing the routine, he rolled down his window, spoke calmly and respectfully to the police officer, and handed him his driver’s license and his proof of insurance. Watching the minutes click by as the officer took his time inside of his own vehicle, Peter sent another text message, confessing his crime of speeding, his being pulled over, and a reassessment of arriving home somewhere closer to four in the morning.

              He received the speeding ticket, apologized profusely, and set his cruise control at seven over the speed limit. He stopped for an extra-large coffee, and continued his mind-numbing drive home through the dark until he saw the first rays of early morning light appear on the horizon beyond him. The ever-familiar cul-de-sac embraced him as he reached his hometown. He pressed the garage door opener, entered the garage, closed the door behind him, and collapsed on his bed to have his wife leave him alone for the next several hours.

              Feeling frustrated and foolish for his lack of responsibility, his speeding, and the loss of funds from the ticket, he rose from bed just past noon, knowing that an online payment was his next chore, having no desire to go to court to have his traffic ticket reduced. Thankful for the weekend, he knew that one and a half normal days would get him back on track.

Known But Unknown

 

Athanasios graduated from high school two years early, having been advanced twice in his middle school and high school years. His mind was an inescapable trap that retained every detail he studied, every detail he was taught, and every word that he read. He earned his bachelor’s degree, his master’s degree and his PhD in seven years. He earned his doctorate at the age of twenty-three, and was chased by more women that he could count but he kept a level head, knowing that their interest in him was solely financial.

He took on the dual role of university professor and legal counsel for multiple judges across his home state. He had signed an NDA with the legal system, providing a level of secrecy and trust as he offered his interpretations and understanding of law with particularly difficult cases. His greatest joy in life was in helping those who had been overlooked by the legal system, had been cast into unfortunate and seemingly inescapable situations through accidents and hostility from others.

He lived his life through his forties, and into his fifties, knowing that no woman was genuinely interested in him, seeking only a sugar daddy to feed their empty and vain lives. The thought of being trapped in a relationship with someone shallow, basically ignorant, and less than academically challenging made his stomach turn. “I need someone who can intellectually stimulate me, challenge me, ask me questions, and provide love and stability to my ever-grasping mind,” he told himself.

As his life continued on toward old age, he found himself moving from one home to the next, to the next, and to the next, each one becoming more and more extravagant and luxurious. One evening as he sat alone in his library, staring at the polished hardwood ceiling that pinched him between itself and his hardwood floors, he wondered if there was anything more he could do to make the world a better place. “It seems like no matter how many cases I win or advise on, there always seems to be more and more wrong building up behind it all.”

At most times of the day, he would hold conversations with himself, asking questions, and then answering them, wishing for someone else with whom to dialog. Like a rocket chained down to the launchpad, he ached to do more, to learn more, to understand more, and to make more of a difference. “Give me problems to solve,” he cried out, though there was no one there to answer him or challenge him. “All of this money, all of this education, and all of this stuff merely gathers around me. There must be more I can do to help more people.”

“Financial rigor in the face of so many problems will certainly make an impact,” he said out loud. He opened his investment portfolio, compared it to the ridiculous amount of money he earned each money and immediately made the decision to create private foundations and nonprofit organizations that could make good use of this money, rather than him merely collecting it in bank accounts, in antiques, or in precious metals.

Athanasios spent the next nine months selling all of his possessions, collecting the cash, and eventually selling his home, keeping enough clothing and necessities in several storage units across the city. As the academic years drew to a close at the university, he announced his retirement for the coming year. He genuinely loved interacting with the other professors, the students, but at the same time was becoming more and discouraged by the loss of academic rigor and lowering expectation levels for the students.

He bought a small condominium in the center of town near the courthouse in order to make his legal interaction that much easier. He watched his investments grow, his nonprofit organizations make an impact across the world, and his private foundations provide medical care for those in need, educational grants for those who proved themselves worthy, and the construction of small single-family homes for the truly needy and hard working families, which reminded him of his own childhood and the struggles his parents had gone through.

Despite his ever-growing passion to do more, to help more, and to influence as many people as he could, he watched his friends, and former colleagues slowly drift away from his radically changing lifestyle. He was no longer the polished, classy, rigorous friend to his high-level group of wealthy, and self-centered people. His massive home had been sold, his artwork, his library and his expensive cars were all gone. Athanasios now lived a life of basic necessity and regular comfort and ease. He could no longer stomach the idea of comfort and wealth when he knew that there were so many who were struggling to pay for their basic necessities.

After two more years of offering legal advice, he finally stopped all of this work, all of his monthly income, and instead began focusing on how to live relatively comfortably with the interest he was earning from his former investments. Now with a great deal of time on his hands, he found his greatest joy in watching the positive impact all of his investments were making in the world. He received weekly updates from the many nonprofits, small businesses, and private foundations. Finally feeling like he was doing what he knew he should have been doing all of his life; he made the decision to personally impact the lives of those in the city around him.

His new home was completely paid for, the income from his investments easily covered his basic needs. All of this allowed him to buy groceries, pay medical bills, and help with mortgage payments for those in terrible need. Athanasios would spend the majority of each day walking among the homeless, visiting the sick in hospitals, and visiting those in prison, offering both his financial help when he knew it was needed, and his legal advice for those who had been wrongly imprisoned.

Knowing the greed and animosity of so many people, he maintained a low profile, presenting himself as a regular, friendly person who could offer help to those who needed it. He was the nice, old Greek guy who was friends with everyone. He would spend Sunday afternoons in the park playing chess with the other old men. He made a regular habit of buying food from the food carts, tipping well to help these small business owners.

Every Sunday and Wednesday evening, he would make grocery runs for a large number of families who were desperate to feed their children and keep their houses warm. He began to visit the power company and offered to pay electric bills for anyone who was behind in their payments. He refused to make himself known to those he helped in this way, imagining the joy each family felt when they learned that someone anonymously paid their bills.

There came a point in his life when he was no longer strong enough to travel, visit the sick, the incarcerated, or the grocery store. He started a new small business to take over this work of small budget philanthropy, encouraging those who took his place to continue the work with his abundant income. He transitioned his financial situation away from himself and toward the small business.

He hired a lawyer to draw up legal documents that would continue to invest his money into the small business and start similar small businesses in other surrounding cities. His transition from extravagant, wealthy businessman to a plain, generous smiling old man brought a surprised response from so many who knew him. Athanasios grew older and older to prepare his last will and testament, knowing that everything was in place to keep his plan for positive impact upon the world continuing for the next many centuries.

Though he had never married, never had children, and remained relatively distant to most who knew him, hundreds of people from around the city, from around the state, and even some from distant countries attended his funeral. It was an event he was sad to miss, wishing that he could warmly embrace and greet every one of them, as a last goodbye.

Four Years in Eternity

 

                The day had grown uncomfortably warm, and the young man paused at his front door, drenched in sweat and was easily fifty pounds overweight. Slipping the key into the lock, he entered, walked to the bathroom, splashed some water on his face and looked at his sad visage in the mirror, wondering how so much had gone wrong so quickly.

              The beautiful, intelligent, gifted and once happy young man sat down at his desk, rolling the bottle between his fingers, hating his present reality, struggling to find some avenue of escape, he unscrewed the lid, dropped the pill into his mouth and swallowed it with a shot of apple juice. Whether it was a psychological reaction or a genuine physiological response, he was uncertain. He could feel the ambient temperature begin to drop, his body relax, and an incredible urge to sleep come upon him.

              “Ugh, I should probably lie down,” he thought. But before he could make the transition from chair to bed, he slumped over with his forehead resting on his arms. An incredible feeling of freedom, escape, bliss and joy came upon him, a cornucopia of feelings he had not experienced in many, many years. The multitude of substances he had ingested over the years initially provided a sliver of escape and fleeting happiness, but this new experience was unlike anything he had ever before felt.

              He could feel himself growing colder and colder as the next few minutes crept past. He seemed to lose all sense of time or being, wondering if he had finally found the answer for which he so desperately sought. His mind was a whirlwind of activity, wondering about his current state, why he was so cold, and if his beloved cat Froggy was okay.

              The sound of the front door opening caught his attention, as well as someone calling his name. He could feel himself slipping from the chair onto the floor and from that moment forward he could see nothing, he could hear nothing, and the cold completely overtook him. The sense of joy and freedom only continued to grow, like the embrace of a dear friend who loved him regardless and never judged him.

              The feeling of his entire being radically changed from what he had felt just a few moments before. He felt fit, he felt strong, he was comfortable and thoroughly energized. He opened his eyes and found himself lying on a patch of lush, green grass, staring into a glorious blue sky.

“Oof, what his going on,” he wondered. He lifted himself from his prostrate position to lean on his elbow.

“Guess I better figure out where I am and what I can do now, because this place does not look familiar at all.” Rising to his feet, he looked in all directions and could hear music coming from the north. “Can’t go wrong with music,” he thought, so he started walking and came across a large group of people on the other side of a small hill. Within seconds of his arrival, four people about his age approached him, hugged him, welcomed him and invited him to join them in making music. As he blended into the crowd, he realized that he had never felt this happy ever, as long as he could remember.

All sense of time and location seemed irrelevant, and he poured himself into interaction with his newfound friends. All of them contributing to the musical process. The longer he interacted, the more he realized just how many people surrounded him in this joyous, energizing event. He exchanged names with those who originally embraced him and began to weave through the huge crowd of people, to be approached by many others, some his age, some much older, and many seemed to know him. He felt a connection with a few of them, with some of them looking very familiar.

Many called him by name, though he had not told them his name. They glowed with joy at his arrival, they encouraged him to reach out, to connect, and to embrace this new reality. He would occasionally catch glimpses and memories of his family, his friends, his pets, and his many, many activities from the past. It all seemed so unimportant now, with the exception of his family and friends, many of them he hoped would join him in this beautiful, new, joyous place.

The joy he felt enveloping him only continued to increase the longer he was here. The crowd that had embraced him began to move as a single entity further north, drawing closer and closer to what seemed the be the source of light, of joy, of completeness and a final destination. The further north they moved, he noticed that some within the crowd stopped in their place, seemingly unable to move any further.

The crowd grew smaller and smaller as they moved but he continued on with the few that remained. “Why are they stopping?” he wondered. “All of this is so wonderful, so fulfilling, so warm and happy. Nothing is stopping me from reaching the end point.”

He and those with him continued to tread a path through the rolling green hills until they reached small wooden fence line with a single gate. They all shifted into a single line and passed through the gate to be embraced by a number of beautiful, smiling, and welcoming older men and women. They all seemed to know him, hugged him, welcomed him, and one of them, a man named Andrew hugged him with an intense ferocity, encouraging the young man to reciprocate.

Having passed through the gate, most of his memories of everything from before began to fade and he relished the joy, the beauty, the warmth, and the happiness of this new place. Andrew embraced him from the side, inviting him to join him to meet a particularly special friend, who was waiting for them further north.

As he and Andrew continued their walk northward, he began to wonder about what it was that made him so sad and empty before he had arrived here. “Why didn’t I come here sooner?” he wondered. “This is so good, so right, and so fulfilling. I know that eventually I’ll see everyone I’ve known and loved in my previous reality. I really don’t have the words to describe it all.”

“Oh, look there he is,” Andrew said.

“Oh, my beloved, you have finally arrived,” the man said. “I am so sorry for the struggles and pain you’ve experienced over these last few years. But now that you are here, it will all begin to make sense.”

The young man received the man in a warm embrace, marveling at how short he was. The young man had never felt such love and acceptance as he did at this moment.  “Thank you for bringing me here,” he said, nearly choking on his words as tears filled up his eyes. “I wish I could’ve come sooner. I feel like a completely different person, it is as if all worry and self-condemnation have disappeared.”

“Yes, I completely understand,” the man said. “Your response is the same as most who make this transition. As I said, you will eventually come to understand why you passed through the struggles you did and why you arrived in this place at this time.”

“What do I do now that I’m here,” he asked.

“There is nothing required of you now that you are here,” he said. “All we ask is that you love those around you, welcome those who arrive just as you have arrived and pour your heart and passion into whatever you choose to do. This a place to create something beautiful and immerse yourself in love and joy. We all encourage you to meet as many people as you can. Some have been here for a very, very long time and can give you good advice, wisdom, guidance, and suggestions on how to spend your time.”

“This sounds very good,” he said. “There is so much music that I have been wanting to create. There are many pictures that I have been wanting to draw and paint. I hope I have the opportunity to do so.”

“That is exactly your calling,” the man said. “Andrew here will help you get settled in, he’ll show you to your living space, your creative space, and will connect you will others like minded. Create, love, connect, and push the boundaries to challenge yourself. We are all so happy that you are here. Now you can be yourself, now you can love, and be loved in return.”

The two men began walking toward the living spaces, which the young man realized were set up in groups of seven domiciles. “We believe that community is very important. Having others around you to help you, to direct you, and to provide regular, consistent interaction will make all of our time here that much better. This is your personal space where you will sleep and keep your things, but I really encourage you to spend as much time as possible interacting with others. The thoughts and ideas of others will help refine and challenge your creative output. I am so happy that you have joined us.”

“Thank you so much, Andrew,” the young man said. “Hopefully we can spend time together in the future.”

“Yes, we certainly will,” Andrew said. “You and I have a special connection that makes us inseparable. Enjoy your time here, relax, and create something beautiful. Also, don’t forget to rest and enjoy the beauty and good company.”

Accomplishing Much, Accomplishing Little

 

                Robert and Mary married young, having become sweethearts in high school and throughout university, they both pursued the path of corporate success and growth, waiting until they were in their early thirties before having children. The decision was made for Mary to step away from her job after they learned that she had become pregnant.

              They had built up an impressive financial cushion for themselves, making life relatively easy to continue with only Robert’s income. With the birth of Richard came excitement, joy, a new sort of busy and a new set of responsibilities. Two years later, Mary became pregnant again, and they watched their family grow from three to four with the birth of Jonathan. Mary beamed with joy at her success of providing two sons for she and her husband.

              “I’m excited to see what kind of men Richard and Jonathan become,” she said.

“This is a huge responsibility to raise two new humans to follow the path of success,” Robert answered. “I know we’ll do just fine. When you consider how well we’ve progressed in all things important.”

Richard began to develop his role of big brother very early on, doing his best to train, influence, and guide Jonathan in everything he considered important. Both boys embraced the practice of leadership, sportsmanship, and teamwork. Taking on small jobs as soon as they were old enough, they both became part of the baseball team, the basketball team, the chess club, and student government all throughout high school.

Jonathan watched Richard graduate, feeling proud of his brother’s achievements. Seeing him off to university, they stayed in contact, encouraging one another, sharing facts and achievements and challenging one another to take on new adventures and areas in which to better themselves. As Jonathan reached his final year of high school, he began to ask questions about what was truly important and how to make himself a better human being.

Following in his brother’s footsteps, he too began university, pursuing a degree in criminal law, aiming for the goal of finding justice, correcting the many wrongs in the world, and committing to put time and effort into helping those who were impoverished by a system that took advantage of their misfortunes and cultural differences.

As Jonathan completed his second year of university, he traveled across the state to attend his brother’s graduation. Richard had earned a degree in business, to receive a job offer from a major corporation. With these two events taking place, Richard began his path of pursuing wealth, comfort, the dating world, and mastering the skill of investment for his company and for himself.

Jonathan watched in sadness as Richard continued on this path, a path that was radically different than the one he was beginning to pursue. Jonathan knew that four years of university would not be enough to reach his goals, so he pushed further forward to earn his PhD in law. As he announced his plans to his family, he received a phone call from Richard the following weekend, warning him about taking on too much debt from student loans.

Jonathan convinced his brother that he had no concerns about debt and would earn more than enough money to pay off the loans within ten years. As he continued his academic path, he met a young lady at the coffee shop he regularly frequented, sharing his ideas, his plans, and his goals. To learn that he and she were nearly identical in their thoughts about money, about people, and about making a difference in the world.

After six months of dating, Jonathan and Alice from the coffee shop, made their relationship official. He proposed and received a yes, with plans for the wedding to take place after he earned his PhD. Between her modest income and his part time job, they lived comfortably and dreamed of the day when their marriage would be final. Alice suggested that they move in together, in order to save money by having only one rent to pay instead of two.

Jonathan disagreed, saying that because they were not married yet, the marriage needed to bring about a change in their relationship. Moving in now would take away the special moment of two becoming one when they married. He helped her out financially whenever he could, pouring himself into the relationship with transparency and honesty, maintaining a connection of trust and making future plans.

The day of graduation finally arrived and shortly thereafter Jonathan received a job offer that paid even more than he imagined he would earn. Within two weeks of graduating, they set a date for the marriage ceremony. Knowing that many decisions would need to be made, that their families would need to send out invitations, and knowing that scheduling for the ceremony too soon would make all of this that much more difficult.

With only three months to make all of their decisions, Jonathan and Alice worked hard to bring everything into line. The day finally came when Jonathan watched Alice walk down the aisle, holding onto her father’s arm. He could see his brother as his best man standing to his left, as well as the other three groomsmen with him. The ceremony was glorious and beautiful, accompanied by a small ensemble of violins and cellos.

Jonathan and Alice spoke their vows, exchanged rings, and kissed as husband and wife for the first time in the presence of a massive gathering of family and friends. They walked back down the aisle and entered the large room for music, drinks, and great food. Enamored with his beautiful, new bride, Jonathan could see Richard lingering about with a girl far younger than he. “That is not a good path there Richard,” he muttered to himself.

“I’m sorry, Jonathan, what did you say?” Alice asked. “I was just commenting to myself that Richard is on a bad path. He continues to date these girls that are much younger than him. He won’t find true joy or happiness that way. It seems like he has a different girl every time I see him. Honestly, he never actually looks happy.”

“Yeah, I agree,” she said. “He certainly doesn’t have what we have. He’s made a lot of choices over the years and none of them seem to be for the best.  I don’t think there’s anything we can do at this point.”

According to plan, Alice quit her job at the coffee shop, Jonathan paid off his school debt within ten years and they watched four children enter their life, bringing with them immeasurable joy and satisfaction. They maintained connection with their families, watched everyone around them grow old, feeling incredible grief over the lifestyle that Richard had chosen.

“He’s really just a sad, old man now,” Jonathan said. “It is really frustrating to have the answers, to see the path to joy and truth, and know that others simply won’t listen.” Richard is destined to be alone, and he has waited too long to find someone with whom to spend his time and money.”

“Yeah, we’ve had this conversation many times,” Alice said. “There is nothing we can do for him.”

“The joy that you have brought me cannot be measured by any financial means,” he said. “You and the kids have fulfilled me in ways that nothing else could. Sadly, we’ll watch Richard grow older and older, alone, frustrated, sad, and empty.”

“Let’s just focus on raising our kids, being a good influence upon those who are willing to listen, and always do what is right,” she said. “We can form our kids to be good people, to make good decisions, and to sacrifice for others.”

They watched their children grow, finish school, finish university, marry, and have children. “Our family is growing in incredible ways,” Jonathan said. “We have made an impact on this world in ways that Richard never did or could. His focus on wealth and comfort only left him alone.”

Jonathan arrived home on a Thursday afternoon to find Alice in tears at the kitchen counter. “Honey, I’ve got really bad news,” she said. “Your mother just called and said that Richard took his own life, leaving behind a note that said that he no longer saw any purpose in continuing what he was doing.”

“Damn, I did not see that coming,” he answered. “I wish we could have done more for him.”

“We did all that we could,” she said. “If someone begins down a path based on wrong assumptions, there is usually nothing anyone can do to help redirect that. Your mother said that the funeral would be next weekend.”

Jonathan, Alice, their four children and their spouses and their multiple grandchildren sat together with his parents. “This is so sad, Alice,” he said. “There is literally no one else here but family. I guess that means that Richard never connected with anyone in any meaningful way. All of those women over all of those years and none of them are here.”

“He chose of a path of pleasure and comfort, using people for what he wanted, and this is all that he is left with,” she said. “We’ll need to carefully talk about this with our kids and grandkids. A life that is lived for only self leads to this kind of emptiness and solitude.”

After the funeral, Richard’s lawyer approached Jonathan, inviting him to his office on the following Monday. “I wanted to inform you that your brother left you all of his money and possessions. You’ll need to come to my office to fill out the appropriate paperwork. The office opens at nine. Call then and make an appointment.”

Jonathan and Alice drove home, discussing the surprise of such an act on Richard’s part. “I think that we should divide up the money between our kids and grandkids. This last act on Richard’s part is a great act of kindness that is surprisingly unlike the rest of his life. I have no idea how much money he has, so this will be interesting. What a sad way to end this relationship.”

“That is so like you, Jonathan,” Alice said. “I would not have expected anything different from you. I like that idea.”

A Glorious Gift

 

While most considered them an unusual couple, a surprising union of two remarkably different people, they grew together, planned big, and created amazing dreams to achieve. Child number one arrived, to be shortly thereafter followed by child number two. This became a beautiful pattern of wonderful, obedient, and intelligent children. The home continued to grow through the application of wisdom, hard work, and sacrifice.

Much to everyone’s surprise, this ever-blossoming family struggled even more to bring in another child who had no one, who had been rejected, and one for whom no one could see any kind of promising future. The little bundle of joy brought great joy but also great struggles to his new brothers and sisters. As the years passed, he found himself unlike all the rest, which proved to be a great blessing for him, for them, and for everyone with whom he interacted.

Never coddled, never babied, and never treated any differently than the rest of them, he struggled to find his place, to find a place to land, and put down roots. He was good and kind in a way that was different from all of the others, having a genetic foundation radically different and purposefully distinct. He eventually embraced his place, found connections, and learned to adjust as different struggles came his way.

He had a mind and a heart that painted him into a different kind of person that anyone else he knew. Generosity, kindness, forgiveness, and a willingness to overlook the disdain of some and the unkind words of others, he formed himself into someone who could always find the good. He acquired skills that he did not learn at home, from his parents, or from his siblings, becoming an incredible asset and gift to them and to many others.

A different kind of brilliance challenged the rest of them to consider themselves, to reconsider him, and to adjust for the better. Surpassing them all in all of the categories that were actually important, he grew, he matured, he connected, and he helped anyone and everyone. His social skills, his gift for conversation, and his ability to see what no one else could, brought out the best in him, and in everyone who knew him.

He acquired skills that made him even stronger, stronger in ways that he could not find anywhere else. He eventually began to travel the world, bringing light and joy to those he met, to those who connected with him, and those who initially found him somewhat intimidating. His massive girth was matched only by his laughter, his smile, and his willingness and desire to be kind to everyone.

Having visited most of the states in North America, several countries across eastern and western Europe and a few countries on the continent of Africa, he continued to expand his copious connections, making friends everywhere, even in those places that knew little of the English language.  His best friend, a little old man, always watched his back, gave him advice, and helped him whenever he could. His other friends, “the blob” from Ukraine, and “the grinch” from Russia, kept him honest, encouraged him to continue growing and improving, and challenged him to always be more.

Always one to give away what someone else needed more than he did, he eventually met a young woman who could see the gold within him. Her personality, her wisdom and her kindness created a wonderful connection for him, rounding out certain areas of his life, and making him complete. With similar backgrounds, they eventually married, became settled, had two children, and raised those children to love others, to sacrifice for others, and to always think of the well-being of those in need rather than catering to their own passions and desires.

Though they struggled a bit in terms of money, he acquired more skills, used his charming personality to build a clientele that remained faithful to his private business. As the years continued on, they eventually overcame their financial struggles and established themselves in their own home, buying instead of renting. As he and she began to age, their children continued to be the good people they were raised to be, giving of themselves to care for their parents.

The children grew to be brilliant, loving, caring, and generous individuals who succeeded in everything they did. With goodness of heart, generosity, and brilliant minds, they both earned incomes that allowed them to settle comfortably and provide a stable, comfortable home for their aging parents. They watched them slowly age, slow down in their approach to life, but still continue to be generous and kind to everyone they knew.

What started as one little boy with an amazing opportunity to grow and develop eventually turned into a family that took that resilience, that took hard work, and a passion to love others rather than loving comfort. He and his wife continued to grow old, watched their two children form families of their own and generate the next generation of grandchildren. From one came a passion for others, to then be joined by another, from whom would come two more, who were raised to love others.

As they grew older and older, they saw the arrival of nine grandchildren, who eventually would marry, and create over thirty great-grandchildren, all of whom followed in their great grandfather’s footsteps, understanding the importance of giving, of serving, and of self-sacrifice. The remarkably ancient couple watched with joy as their passion for others grew into more than just their own actions, the actions of their children, and the actions of their grandchildren. Eventually, their generosity and kindness became well known through their part of the state, greatly impacting and benefiting others.

In the comfort of their own home, taken care of by their grandchildren, they both knew that they had done well, that they had brought glory to the family name, and did for others what so many others refused to do. To everyone’s surprise, the ancient couple lived year after year, surpassing one hundred, then reaching one hundred and ten to then reach one hundred and eighteen, still taking walks and enjoying the visits of their thousands of friends, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren.

As they reached their hundred and twentieth year, they began to receive letters in the mail from the families of their friends from around the world. With each visitor, with each letter, and with each email, they both kept careful track of each one, building an ever-growing address book of names and locations. With each physical visitor, they took photos and began to write letters to everyone they could remember from their many years and their many travels across the entire planet.

They could see the end approaching and made appropriate plans for their sooner than later funeral. They both knew that they would repose together and made their funeral list with all the names of their loved ones. Invitations were to be sent out on the day of their mutual repose. Fourteen days after their mutual demise, over seven thousand people arrived for their funeral, overwhelming the small town in which they lived. Creating a social setting that was spoken about for the many decades that followed.

Their oldest great-grandchild created a shrine for the ancient couple, carefully documenting everywhere they had traveled, everyone they knew, and the incredible impact they had upon the many thousands over their many years together. The photo album and history of the couple was kept and cherished by each generation, being passed down from one family to the next, as a reminder of the importance of loving others, of caring for others, and not pampering oneself when others were in need.

The Tool of Manipulation

 

               The little boy held his right hand over his eye, struggling to keep the blood from dripping onto the floor. He was no stranger to his father’s fist or belt, having been on the receiving end of each of those far too many times. After being knocked to the floor or into the wall, he would curl up and go into hiding, to then listen to the cries of his mother as she too received the same blows.

              It took him a few years to learn how to answer without sounding disrespectful. His father was not an intelligent man and little Jeremy eventually learned how to twist and manipulate his words to convince his father in the direction he wanted him to go. This became a skill that he learned to use on others outside of his household. Saying the right thing at the right time often proved to be beneficial, especially when it came to making others think he had answers that could make them wealthy.

              He began leaking bits of information about supposed treasure that was in certain places around the county, that could be found by using magic stones that only he could read. He began to earn large amounts of money from those who believed his imaginative stories about buried gold, buried jewels or ancient civilizations prior to the arrival of the white man.

              He could see the greed and selfishness in the eyes of every man he met around town. He saw them come and go from the tavern, from the brothels, and from the multitude of churches, an odd combination of locations that puzzled him. He knew what many of them claimed to believe and he also knew the kind of lives many of them led, all of it a maelstrom of contradiction, that he knew he could use to his advantage.

              As he interacted with this collection of men, he began to ask questions of them about their faith, about their practices, and about their families. He began to paint a picture of a young man who was interested in religion, who was seeking after god, and wanted answers about the location of genuine religious truth.

              Over time the image he created of himself gained him a number of followers who considered him wise and humble, willing to ask difficult questions about topics that few were willing to breach. As he grew into his mid-twenties, he began spending more time alone in the woods, dropping occasional hints about visitation from angels and other beings who gave him wisdom and the location of hidden treasures.

              During one of his visits to the woods, he found an abandoned shack which he chose to convert into a headquarters of sorts. This became his new home that served as a foundation for his new ideas, his imagination and his teachings to others about his angelic visits. After many months of this type of activity, he began to share a story about a certain angel that told him about secret gold that contains messages about visitors to this part of the country long ago. He claimed the language was written in an ancient, unknown dialect from Egypt, which the angel taught him to interpret.

              With the angel’s directions, he found the gold, brought it to his secret hideout and began to translate the words. He finished the work after many month’s time and began to share the message with followers, who despite never seeing the original documents, confessed to handling them themselves and claimed to have assisted him in his translation work. After so many years of telling stories, of manipulating people’s ideas, and presenting himself as one who was wise and skilled, he began drawing people away from their current beliefs and into his own.

              His skills of manipulation had become so strong that many believed him, especially large numbers of women, who were easily convinced of his religious devotion, his willingness to contradict what was considered acceptable, and being willing to push the boundaries of the current moral code. God had spoken to him, and no one was going to tell him anything different. With the ability to emotionally control people, he gained a massive following and eventually put together a council that repeated his stories and agreed with his findings.

              After several years of telling these stories, he would often find himself thinking back to his childhood and his ability to manipulate his father. “This is really no different,” he told himself. “Everyone seems to be about the same, willing to believe whatever makes them feel good or in control. Everyone seems to love having the option to follow their passions, be comfortable, and use others to be in control.”

              He also thought back to his later years, watching the men from the town come and go from taverns, brothels, and churches, all of it a ridiculous hypocrisy. He then understood that people will believe whatever they want to gain whatever they want, regardless of it being inherently contradictory. Sex, power, pleasure, control, and money were the foundational beliefs that moved most people. Coming to this understanding allowed him to fabricate a moral/immoral system that put him in control, that allowed him to convince others that god was on his side and was moving he and them toward this ultimate truth.

              He wanted power, he wanted wealth, he wanted control over women, and he didn’t want to be limited to one wife but instead, fabricated a story about the legitimacy of wives, girlfriends, concubines, and lovers, all at the same time, pushing the story that lust and passion were what made man truly happy. He knew that all men were moving along these same lines of belief but what surprised him the most was that so many women were willing to go along with this twisted lack of logic.

              While his newly invented religion was wildly popular, there were still a number of men in town that saw through his lies and manipulation. Eventually his small hideout became too small, requiring that he find a new location in town that would allow for more people to attend his meetings and times of teaching. Two years into this newfound faith, Jeremy, now the head of a new church was arrested by the authorities in town and placed in jail. Three days after being arrested, several of his followers broke him out, packed up everything they owned and fled the town for a safe place in the wilderness.

              Jeremy and his followers moved from town to town, gathering new followers, to then be driven out of each town, to then move onto the next town, and find new followers there as well. It seemed as if word was moving around ahead of them as they traveled, a warning of sorts that something new and corrupt was growing in the East. Finally, this newfound faith fled into the desert, far, far away from their place of origin. With enough followers and enough money, they built their own town in a place that no normal human being would want to live, knowing that secrecy and control would allow them to exist as their own entity without having to answer to some other power outside of god.

              The heat, the lack of water, the lack of actual authority, and the oppression from government authority began to make their lives difficult. They began demanding the right to believe and practice what they claimed were words from god and refused to submit to the laws of man. As time passed, the world outside began to leave them alone, knowing that they did not want to turn Jeremy into a martyr in a land that claimed religious freedom.

              Eventually Jeremy passed away and was replaced by another who held the same beliefs and was willing to push harder again outside authorities. The new leader refined their belief system, worked harder at establishing their independent town in the barren wilderness, and found new and better ways to pull water from the earth, grown crops, and redefine morality. Though Jeremy had two wives, the new leader began to push for even greater freedom and license, taking for himself four wives and encouraging those on the council to do the same. For, as he said, “this is what all men want.”

              This pattern continued from one leader to the next, to the next and to the next, until the federal government finally stepped in and forbade the practice of polygamy, claiming that it was contrary to the health of everyone involved. Massive “families” were broken apart, bringing about anger and retaliation from this odd town in the empty, salty, barren wasteland.

              It all finally came to an end and the original writings were changed to match the current mindset of the day. Those on the outside marveled at how easy those in this odd town were willing to go along with the changing of the original writings, having proof that change was made and made willingly and deceptively.

              Centuries came and went and this odd town, now a city, eventually imploded on itself to be replaced by something much more reasonable and selfless.

Not Real Friends

 

            The combination of temperature and breeze created a perfect, comfortable setting in the park that day as Evgeny sat alone eating his peanut butter sandwich. If it was Thursday, he would have added raisins to his sandwich, as a special treat for himself. He found great pleasure in watching the birds capture bugs and worms from the massive lawn before him. Though he sat and ate alone, he was surrounded by young mothers pushing their children around in strollers, the occasional jogger, and the old men who sat a short distance away playing chess.

              He checked his watch to see that he had ten minutes to finish his lunch and return to the office that towered behind him. As Vice President of Finance, his office consumed the largest corner of the 7^th floor, looking out over the park he now enjoyed. He dropped his disposable cup and his lunch wrappers in the waste receptable as he left the park, dropping a twenty-dollar bill into the lap of a homeless man who sat on the curb at the edge of the street.

              The day finally finished as he completed his work of formulating and advising the wisest path to follow for the company’s branch of investment. Joining three other men in the elevator down to the parking garage, he could only cringe as he listened to them speak about their latest purchases, their latest vacations, and their plans to divorce and remarry much younger women. He had nothing to contribute to the conversation as none of these things were part of his mindset.

              Each man said goodbye to all of the others and Evgeny drove home, watching the homeless people, the street kids, and the prostitutes weave in and around the sidewalks. His home was a long way from extravagant, being just large enough to keep him safe and comfortable, providing just enough room for his few needs and the basic necessities. Measuring just over 1200 square feet, he saw no need for anything larger, as it would simply be wasted space that offered him no value.

              His week had passed uneventfully, and he always looked forward to Friday night, as it gave the opportunity to leave the office behind, enter the streets, and interact with those who were lost, confused, poor, and suffering. Evgeny dressed down to blend into the casual and coarse world of the street people, slipping out of his front door and finding the dirtiest and most dangerous places in the city.

              As he rounded the corner of a distant alley that seemed to know him well, many people called out his name as his face lit up from the burning barrels. Scores of young women in little to no clothing greeted him and appreciated his kind words, his gentle embrace, and his fatherly attitude toward them. He understood that most or all of these girls knew nothing but abuse and deprivation at home, selling themselves to provide enough income for their most basic needs.

              It had grown dark, and he watched the moon slowly move across the sky, as he spoke with, encouraged, and loved all of these broken and dirty people. Despite being one of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the city, these street people had no understanding of who exactly he was, the kind of lifestyle could lead, if he so chose, but only saw him as a kind, old man with a slight Russian accent. He could see the pain and suffering in the eyes of most of these girls and it was on this night that he chose to invite four of them back to his home for warmth, for safety, and for high quality food.

              Neither they nor his co-workers knew or understood just how much he sacrificed to provide for those in need. He personally funded two different soup kitchens in the neighborhood, he paid large sums of money to cover the expenses for orphaned children, and he gave away bags of groceries each day to homeless people. He could see no sense or rationale to burying himself in comfort and excess when so many other people had little to nothing and often went hungry.

              As he and the four girls returned to his home, he let them into the spare bedroom with two bunkbeds, an abundance of clothing, and a private bath. While they warmed up, cleaned up, and clothed themselves, he made dinner for all of them until midnight arrived and they all slept well several hours into the next day. Evgeny rose early, wanting to make a good breakfast for everyone and see them off for the day, trusting that his influence would draw them toward that which was good and right.

              A few hours after they departed, he made a trip to the grocery store and began his regular Saturday morning delivery to several dozen homeless people, and families that struggled to feed their children. Returning from the temple on Sunday afternoon, he walked through multiple blocks of the neighborhood, speaking with and encouraging those who knew him and loved him. Monday morning came around and he delivered the same story to his co-workers about his activities on the weekend.

              The response was always the same. “Why do you waste your time and money on these sub-humans, they’re only taking advantage of you? You really should take care of yourself, live a little, be comfortable, and enjoy the large amounts of money that you earn.” Evgeny had tried many times to explain his behavior and his thoughts about philanthropy and love for others but none of them understood him in the slightest. So eventually he gave up trying to explain. Instead, he began suggesting that they focus on helping others rather than selfishly focusing on their own comfort.

              Year after year passed and he began to see most of the women from the streets move on and begin regular, balanced, and healthy lives, only to be replaced by the next generation of young girls. Yet his pattern of support and encouragement remained the same, knowing that his efforts were making a difference. It was when he reached his seventieth year that visitors began to arrive at his home, bringing him small gifts, warm and loving greetings, and news of how his words and support had saved them from certain destruction.

              His retirement plan had started after his seventieth birthday, and he lived comfortably with the investments he had made, knowing that he would not work forever and would one day need a balanced income that required nothing from his work as a financial advisor. He kept careful track of his visitors, taking photos with each one and nearly bursting with joy at the impact his efforts had made in so many people.

              As he continued to grow older, his outside activity became less and less, and he no longer brought street people home with him. He later learned that many of those he had helped over the years began to imitate his words and behavior, helping anyone they could with their limited incomes. “It’s always right to do the right thing,” he thought. “There is no value in comforting yourself, in living in luxury, or always having the newest and best thing, whatever it is.”

              Having never married, having never had children, he created a very articulate will for his wealth and belongings to be given away, sold, and distributed to those in need and organizations that would do good. As he approached his eightieth year, he began to give away his things, allowing him to move into a retirement center. He could then spend his time with those his own age, of his own mindset, and enjoy peace for the last years of his life.

              He could see his ninetieth year approaching, so he created a very specific plan for his funeral. He found his record book of visitors from the many years before and began writing letters of invitation to his funeral, whenever it would be. He gave explicit instructions about mailing these letters on the day of his death, allowing for his many friends and associates to prepare for his funeral.

              Three days short of his ninetieth birthday, he laid down in his room, closed his eyes, and knew that this was his final night of rest. For forty days after his repose, he watched his body be moved from the rest home to the morgue, his belongings distributed to those in need, and the hundreds of people travel to his funeral at the massive Cathedral of Sts. Peter and Paul.

              The joy he experienced in seeing the changed lives of so many people traveled with him into eternity, knowing that he had done everything that he could to focus on others and not himself. He then finally rested in ultimate peace and holiness, surrounded by those he had known in his younger years.

Uncomfortably Unlike

 

The young boy lay flat on his back in a pile of leaves beneath the canopy of multiple trees providing a respite from the heat of the day. His thoughts were like a swarm of birds that constantly changed its direction and shape, moving from one avenue of thought to the next, always wondering why he was, who he was, and what was the ultimate purpose of his existence. He had an older sister and a younger brother, both of whom were very normal and easily connected with their peers, while he, Lysander, seemed incapable of genuinely connecting with anyone.

He was loved by most and he appreciated the relatively shallow connection he shared with smaller children, with his peers, with his family, and with the elderly in his small community. As he moved from childhood into his teen years and into his early adulthood, he was known as the one to go to when a question needed to be answered. His encyclopedic knowledge, his grasp of common sense, and his ability to find answers in nearly every category of understanding gave him a definite advantage over all others.

Though he knew so much, understood so much, and possessed a skill at tying together seemingly different categories of knowledge, he still longed to deeply connect with someone and have someone with whom to intellectually wrestle. As he watched the few clouds peek through the branches overhead, he could literally think of no one within a reasonable distance that provided any type of worthwhile conversation. He ached to find someone of a like mind, a like heart, and possessing the same passion as he for something more that simple distraction.

Since completing his studies at the age of sixteen, he began working in his father’s fishing company but found the work mind numbing, boring, and lacking any sort of challenge for his ever-racing intellect. After three months of catching fish, selling fish, and struggling to interact with their customers, the idea came to him that he needed to leave their small village and travel as widely as possible in search of someone who could offer him something greater than small talk and smiles.

With a carefully crafted plan in mind, he stayed up later than everyone else in the family, replayed his plan over and over, step by step, waiting for the moon to reach its zenith, knowing that everyone was asleep in his home and everyone in town as well. He crept to the side of the house, reached through his window opening to retrieve his bag to then silently reach the dirt road that led to the next town further north.

He knew the potential danger of walking in the dead of night, certain that many wild animals had already seen and smelled him. He kept his senses on full alert, listening for any activity or rapid approach. The full moon provided enough light for a clear path forward, eventually reaching the next town before the arrival of the morning light. He found an obscure corner of forest that provided darkness and protection, needing to glean a few hours of sleep before the new day began. The sound of laughing and playing children woke him from his sleep and he emerged from his obscurity to organize himself, making himself presentable for hopefully normal social interaction.

He walked to each corner and place of social gathering in the town, introducing himself, looking for someone with whom he could connect but finding no one in the town any different from his own community less than an hour away, so he remained until darkness fell. As the town became silent and inactive, he continued his walk to the next town, even further north, hoping that he would find someone similar to him. He repeated this process over and over, passing through seven different towns and unsurprisingly, he found no one with whom to deeply connect.

In the last town he visited, he overheard rumors of a group of older men who lived in the deep woods, remaining reclusive and relatively silent, not actually connecting with anyone and maintaining an air of mystery about their relationship with the world outside and the nature of the community. He gathered as many details as he could about them and made the goal of searching through the woods to find them and possibly join them, as he suspected this group of men may be very much like himself.

The sense of disappointment was nearly overwhelming as he thought back over multiple small communities he had visited, certain that he would eventually find someone, yet failing to do so. As he wandered the deep woods, looking for this mysterious community of older men, he eventually became disoriented, failing to find them in what seemed like an unending maze of paths, trees, bushes, and shrub.

After searching for three days, he felt his heart continue to shrivel, to ache, and become overwhelmed with despair and loneliness. As darkness settled after the third day, he found a spacious cave to call his home. A stream was nearby with copious fish and a large patch of fertile soil at the edge of a meadow. He eventually gave up all hope and decided to become a recluse like the old men that had been described to him, determined to stay away from anyone and everyone, with an occasional visit to the last small town in order to barter for his basic needs.

He made a habit of keeping track of seasons and years, knowing that he needed to maintain a good handle on the passage of time. As each year passed, he wondered about the fate of his family, his original community, and what would become of his overall wellbeing, as he was immersed in solitude with a million ideas a day on how to make life better, how to be a better person and how to positively impact the society around him.

He could feel himself growing older and less inclined to interact with anyone, feeling sad over the loss of possible interaction and positive influence. After making use of his careful use of documenting the passage of time, around his fiftieth birthday, he returned to his original town to find that both of his parents had passed away, and he now had multiple nephews and nieces. It took several days before he could convince his brother and sister of his identity, both of them convinced that he had died many years before.

His disappearance brought an overwhelming despair and grief upon both of his parents, and search parties were formed in hopes of finding an answer for his sudden absence. Within a few years of his disappearance, stories began to circulate that he had fled to the big cities of Greece to find a likeminded community where he could exercise his mind and brilliance, to eventually become a teacher in one of the schools of philosophy. He internally laughed at this premise, wondering why he had not thought of making such a journey a reality for himself.

Weeks and then months passed, and he once again became part of the community, answering questions, feeling lonely, but at the same time enjoying the simple interaction with his now much larger family. The last thirty years of his life in near solitude changed his heart and mind about the value of family, the value of interaction, and the importance of positively influencing those in one’s community. Having returned to the community he had formerly despised and found disappointing, he could feel his love for his fellow human beings grow, despite their sad lack of self-awareness or understanding.

It was not necessarily a selfishness with which he struggled but it was instead a hope for something more, something deeper, and something of greater value than mere small talk. Over time, he became the wise old man who suddenly appeared out of nowhere, who became an influence upon the next generation, motivating them to not settle for the low bar of ease and simplicity, of mindless distraction, and of shallow and meaningless day to day life. As Lysander grew older, he became filled with joy as more young men and woman began to ask deeper questions, began to demand more from life, and began to find joy in learning, in growth, in maturity, and in adulthood.

Lysander could feel his final years drawing to a close, so he began to document everything that he had learned over his nine decades of life. Filling twenty volumes of memories, he called the town elders together and implored them to call a town meeting that would allow him to communicate his thoughts, his memories, his dreams, and his goals to everyone who was interested. This would become his final town hall that fed those he loved with the knowledge and wisdom he had acquired over his many years of thoughts and questions.

It was on his ninety-seventh birthday that he made his final journey to Mt. Athos to live his final days out among the mysterious old men he had heard about so many years before. Several young men from his community took him by wagon to the docks, to board a small ship and eventually land on the shoreline before the huge collection of monasteries and wise old men. He lived his last month among the old men who were, unsurprisingly, very much like him. He and they were not interested in the shallowness and emptiness of casual, worldly living.

He eventually reposed among these old men and sent his final words to his extended family and community, assuring them that they were now on the right path and encouraging them to send some of their young men to Mt. Athos to imitate the path he finally found during his last days.

A Sad Shriveled Soul

 

The sight of every brown bottle made his stomach turn, his jaw ache, and his heart quiver at the thought of what followed after the contents of said bottle were drained. He had gone through life from infancy through high school watching his father down two six packs most evenings, hating his life, feeling inadequate and weak in the face of anger and abuse. Like a weight lifted off of his shoulders, his transition from high school to university gave him a freedom he had never before experienced.

Much to his own surprise, he found himself imitating his father every weekend, drinking cheap beer with his college buddies and playing the female field to give himself a feeling of control and domination, moving from one girl to the next each weekend. After six months of earning a reputation as an insensitive and abusive boyfriend, he eventually found that a secret circle of communication had built up, cutting off his supply of willing and needy girls.

Simon sat alone on one particular weekend, drinking cheap beer, watching movies, and laughing about his innumerable sexual conquests with his three roommates. His fourth year of university was drawing close to an end, and he had built up a list of job possibilities, trusting that his good grades and manipulative personality would land him a job in IT that would pay well. After graduation and three job interviews, he finally received a job offer, which much to his delight was in a company in his hometown.

He began the new job, doing well in the role, but remained alone for the next decade, knowing that he had sullied his own name with most of the females in his age category in his hometown. As he worked the job, he saw the company begin to downsize, laying off department after department, until he too received a pink slip with his paycheck, informing him that his role would cease to exist within three weeks.

With his disappointing news in hand, he once again began his new job search, hoping to find something comparable in or close to his home, not wanting to move out of state or across the country. Simon made a goal of sending out at least two job applications each day and after twenty-six applications were sent, he received a phone call requesting an in-person interview. He was happy to learn that the job was in a nearby town and while not exactly an IT position, it did involve data type of work.

After the interview, he received an offer for the position and as he arrived on his first day, he learned that he and another individual would be working together to create some order and rationale to the current data system. The role turned out to be a lump of clay in his hands, having the freedom to organize and form the role into his own vision. As the next five years passed, he and his co-worker continued to add people to the department, further enhancing and refining the end goal, bringing order out of chaos.

As time passed, he worked hard to put on a face of excellence, superiority, and control, struggling to keep his insecurity and the self-loathing hidden from his boss and co-workers. He understood that this unceasing passion to control and manipulate others, shaping them into what he desired to be, was a reaction to his early years of being controlled and overpowered by those in authority over him.

It was when Roger became part of the team that he finally met his match. This man was not one to be manipulated or controlled, for his intelligence and skills vastly exceeded Simon’s. While it was undeniable that Simon was very good at what he did, he was, as much as he hated to admit it, not really that intelligent or thoughtful. He distracted himself with sports, with entertainment, with beer, and finally with a woman who agreed to be his wife.

It was with the addition of children that gave him an even great feeling of power and control, now having a spouse and children to control and direct. He knew he was weak willed, manipulative, and selfish, doing all that he could to create the image of power and control. It was with creating the right image and impression that he could fool himself and others into thinking that he was something that he actually was not.

As the years passed, he grew more and more frustrated as he eventually learned that he would never control Roger, that Roger would never become another version of himself, and he began to become desperate in his drive to win this battle. As much as he hated losing, he refused to give up the fight, pushing harder and harder to control every detail. In the deepest part of his soul, he knew that this was a battle he could not win, but he continued to manipulate the situation, he continued to try to deceive those around him about what was actually taking place.

As he could feel his soul withering and shrinking, he became more and more desperate to overcome what seemed to be an inevitable loss. But being the irrational and self-centered person that he was, he continued to fight, turning his frustration and anger towards others around him, needing an outlet to convince himself that he would eventually win.

With nothing else toward which to vent his frustration, he could see Roger flourishing and succeeding in every endeavor in which he poured himself. The frustration of seeing Roger succeed was too much stress on his already shriveling soul. He became desperate and did all that he could to sully Roger’s reputation, but all of those who knew Roger recognized his goodness, his kindness, and his unwavering willingness to pour himself entirely into his role.

As more time passed, Roger’s reputation only continued to grow and his abilities continued to be recognized as remarkable, helpful, and a great addition to the company. Simon could feel himself becoming more and more desperate as he dried up on the inside, watching himself succumb to frustration and watch Roger constantly improve in every area of his life, receiving adulation and words of thanks for all of his contribution to the success of the company.

He came home on a particular Tuesday to find an empty house, an empty bank account, and a note from his wife, declaring him persona non grata, warning him to not bother looking for her and the children. He could feel the rage building up in him as he thought about the anger, the abuse, and the hatred from his childhood. He thumbed through his wallet to find enough cash for two six packs from the corner store.

He sat alone in the relatively empty house, drinking himself into oblivion, finally alone, and finally reaping the fruit of his life of empty distraction, selfishness, and deception. He woke the next morning more than three hours after his normal start time at work, to see five voice mails on his phone, from an angry boss, confused co-workers, and a single warning from his wife, again reiterating her warning to not look for her.

He placed a call to his boss, explaining the dire situation in which he found himself, hoping for mercy and understanding but only received accusations of excuse making. He found out later that despite all of his false imagery, his manipulation, and his attempts at deception, all of it failed to deceive anyone, everyone knowing that he was an empty, cold, heartless, and selfish person, who cared only for himself and his bank account, which, at this point was now empty.

He had spent the last twenty years of his life trying to build a positive image of himself but found that no one had any words of commendation or support for him as he struggled to find another job in an IT type of position. He again began his habit of sending out two applications a day to eventually receive no offers, no phone calls, and no interest. As weeks passed, he placed a few phone calls to the positions which seemed to offer the best possibility, to learn that no one from his work history gave any recommendation for him.

With his last phone call, he received the message, “Karma can be an ugly thing.” Now angry and desperate, he gave up searching for work in his field of specialty and settled for a job driving a delivery truck for a bread company. With each delivery, he could feel anger and hatred burning holes in his soul, leaving him frustrated and full of despair, loneliness, and frustration.