Ignoring the Quiet Pieces

 

                Jeffrey poured every ounce of his passion, his desire, and his commitment into what he believed was going to be a life-long relationship, to eventually see it fail, to see his efforts ultimately rejected for something else, for someone else, and come to an ugly and resentful conclusion. The decades of life experience played out in his mind scores of times and he continued to wonder if he had done something wrong, or if the other party involved simply gave up for what ended up being grand deception.

               Distance, time, miscommunication, and intentional deception all resulted in an unfortunate and disappointing finality. Looking in from the outside, he could see the shriveling of a soul, an intentional choice to walk away from everything good, right, and beautiful, knowing that he had done all that he could to make everything right. Stories began to circulate, facts were twisted, lies were spread, his character was defamed, all of which led to disdain and anger for all of those involved.

               As time continued to pass, he began the practice of documenting everything that had taken place over the past several decades, bringing him to the realization that frequently people will tell themselves a story, paint a different reality in their mind, and create a falsely woven narrative with twisted and misinterpreted facts. All of which were used to redefine the truth about time and existence. Personal sacrifice, every effort to be faithful, and open communication was frequently spun to tell a different story.

               Having moved on and away, he created a new set of relationships, a new set of friends who were genuinely honest and passionate about being holy, he came to understand that his previous existence was one that was constantly surrounded by plastic smiles, pretend kindness, and explicit deception to create an image that looked good from the outside but used to hide the hatred and disdain within.

               Like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he could now breathe easy, knowing that his new life, his new relationships, and his new community actually cared for him, encouraged him, and helped guide him on the path toward holiness. He continued to look in from the outside, receive updates and stories about activity from his former community, sickened by the plasticity, the pretend kindness, and the hidden corruption that so many worked so hard to keep hidden.

               As time continued on, he put in extra effort to not be judgmental, to not condemn others for their sins and weaknesses, and focus on his own failings and weaknesses, knowing that only he could change himself and he could do nothing to change others who lived so far away with no interest in receiving his input or life suggestions. Living in a state of constant frustration, he eventually ceased most conversation and offered input, coming to realize that many did not genuinely care to hear from him.

               Many days when he drove into the large city further north, he watched as a once beautiful farm house slowly decayed into ruin. “Hmm, what a perfect example of what is taking place with most people’s lives,” he thought to himself. “You can paint the outside, mow the lawn, pull the weeds, and allow the inside to reduce to waste and decay.” After nine months of these internal ruminations, the farm house was eventually gone to be replaced by a new home.

               “Wow, that is unfortunate,” he grumbled, “what could have been a beautifully built home has been destroyed and replaced with bland, simple, and plain Americana. If it were up to me, I would restore, improve, and update with every opportunity. Houses used to be beautiful, full of character, well-built and articulate, from everything that I’m seeing lately, all of that precision and beauty is gone.”

               Time continued to pass and he eventually let go of the past, knowing that there was nothing he could offer to rebuild and restore. Again, like a weight had been removed from his shoulders, he began to only look forward, make more plans, and be creative with his time and money. “Advice that is not asked for is not received,” he said to himself, “there is nothing sadder than watching former acquaintances slide into corruption and depravity, knowing that bad decisions were made, leading to a certain ugly future.”

               He remained in contact with those he loved, and who loved him, knowing that he had a few opportunities to positively influence these people. As life continued for him so far away, he put in extra effort to be good, to be kind, to be loving, and to continue teaching and leading. Eventually sliding into deeper and more authentic relationships with those around him, he found that life had become beautiful, enjoyable, and pleasant. “Depth and honesty create a much better life than pretend kindness, fake smiles, and hidden corruption,” he said to himself as he drove in silence.

               Three years slowly crept past, pushing him to continue his documentation of all life events, make more plans, continue improving, and the creation of long-term goals, knowing that simply living a life based on distraction and emptiness would bring no good, no beauty, and no satisfaction. Each time he drove past the now long gone, old farmhouse he could only think of the empty lives of so many people with no real goals other than wealth and comfort, all of which would only lead to shallow emptiness and vanity.

               Sad and disappointed at the tragic turn life had taken a few years back, he knew there was nothing he could do to make things better, to improve the lives of those he loved, unless they were open to suggestion and direction. “I feel like I’m watching the old farmhouse slowly decay and turn into waste and ruin,” he thought. “To watch someone with so much potential deliberately ignore and ruin their life as they seek after pleasure and wealth is a sad reality in which to be trapped.”

               Many more years continued to crawl past, allowing him to sever interaction and dialog with those who really didn’t care, and at the same time, he remained in contact with those he loved, who loved him and wanted to maintain a healthy relationship. “So much greed, so much ignorance, so much vanity, and so much hatred,” he grumbled. “There is really nothing I can do to remedy these problems if no one wants to listen.”

               “This new reality is like standing on a small hill outside of a town with a remedy for disease that is inflicting the entire town when no one wants to partake and resolve the widespread problem,” he grumbled. “Having answers, having solutions, and having the ability to resolve the many problems is a horrible position in which to find oneself, when no one else seems to care.”

               “I feel like I’m standing on a row boat in the middle of the ocean, watching those of my former life slowly drift away after false beliefs, fantastical desires, and outright deception,” he thought. “Time to focus on what I can do, what I can accomplish, and on those who are with me, around me, and open to discussion and the pursuit of holiness,” he said to himself. “There is no sense in putting in energy and effort when those on the receiving end are not in the least bit interested in my input.”

               As time continued to pass, some of those who were formerly connected to him began to reconnect, restore, and make things right. At the same time, others only continued to distance themselves from him, rejecting his attempts at connection, and desire to make things right. Continuing to watch from the outside, he saw others continue down a path of self-destruction, self-deception, and the love of wealth, all of which only led to further confusion and suffering.

               “Okay, Jeffrey,” he thought, “time to grasp the reality of the situation, focus my attention and energy on those who I love, who love me, and are open to genuine interaction and relationship. Stop wasting your time and energy on those who do not care.” He continued to grow old, grow tired, and be creative, all of which led to a greater things, greater life, and greater joy, knowing that a beautiful future lay ahead of him.

               “Wow, I feel so much better right now,” he thought. “Redirecting my thoughts, my money, and my energy into something that actually produces goodness and truth makes so much more sense.” The world around him continued to slide into deeper and more corrupt depravity, communicating the truth about the consequences of sin and selfishness which he knew to be true for the past many decades. “Our culture is literally destroying itself, destroying the innocence of youth, and leading our nation toward death and emptiness.”