Mister Insecure

 

            The longer Simon worked in his position as manager of his department, he eventually began to realize that no one under his authority liked working with him, he began to hear stories about certain individuals seeking to escape his pathetic attempts at control and knowing that he was insecure about himself, he continued to pick up little comments from others who also realized just how insecure he was, lacking many of the vital skills that were necessary for a leader.

               Year after year passed by and he soon came to the realization that his authority really meant nothing to anyone else, and began to become concerned that he was soon to be replaced by someone else who possessed all of the necessary skills that he lacked. He began to use his position of authority as a weapon against those under his control, working very hard to control as much as he could, and at the same time knowing that he was a miserable failure, an absolute loser in terms of being a good leader and that his end was likely to appear sooner than later.

               The group of people over whom he was responsible began to transfer to different companies, different positions, and more peaceful and comfortable jobs with people for whom they had respect. He slowly watched his team reduce from ten to eight to six to four and finally, when he did not have enough people to complete the large task before him, his boss sent him a formal letter informing him that his position with the company would be terminated at the end of the month, to be filled by someone else.

               An overwhelming feeling that he needed to vomit rose to the top of his throat when he finished reading the letter, a painful reminder that he needed to take action and find another role that would provide enough income for he and his family. The work that day came to an end and he informed his wife that he needed to spend a few hours doing some research, terrified at the prospect of telling his spouse about the letter he received.

               After dinner that evening, he locked himself in his office, opened up several job search engines in the hopes of finding something comparable and begin sending his resume to at least five job offers each evening. With burning and tired eyes, he sent off five resumes to comparable jobs, to then escape his office to spend time with his family to watch a few hours of television.

               This became his pattern for the next two weeks, sending at least five resumes to possible job openings, until he finally received eight emails from some of the locations at which he had applied, to read the same message that his current employer had nothing positive to say about him. “We are sorry, Simon, after speaking with your current employer, we do not feel comfortable offering you a position with our company, from what we have been told, your current employer feels that you lack most of the skills for leadership and data analysis work.”

               Despite the crushing disappointment of receiving the same message from so many similar companies, he continued to send at least five resumes each evening, creating a document of names and dates for each position. The end of the month began to draw painfully close, when he finally received the letter from his current employer that he was no longer employed with the company and that another person with better skill, better social abilities, and greater talents would be replacing him immediately after his departure.

               In a painful combination of anger, disappointment, and frustration, he knew that he could not keep this a secret from his spouse any longer. After dinner that evening and after sending out five more resumes, he confessed the tragic situation in which they found themselves as he and she drifted off to sleep. His mind was a maelstrom of anger, disappointment, and frustration as he tried to sleep, to be followed by dreams of working in a position that was far beneath of which he was capable.

               His final paycheck arrived in his bank account, to be followed by a physical letter in the mail, notifying him that he needed to return all of his computer equipment no later than the end of the week, and to stop into the main office to sign a few documents confirming that he understood the reason for his abrupt departure. He then locked himself in his office, fired off an email to his supervisor, confirming that he received the physical letter and he would in fact return his equipment and sign any necessary documents.

               In less than thirty minutes, he received a formal response, thanking him for understanding the terrible situation in which everyone now found themselves. As the last day of the week arrived, he stopped working at four in the afternoon, dissembled his computer gear, loaded it all into his car to make the drive to the main office, return everything that was not his, sign the necessary documents and make a stop at the local computer store to acquire another laptop so he could continue with his normal life.

               As he turned into his cul-de-sac, he pressed the garage door open button, pulled into his garage, and with his new laptop under his arm, he entered his office to see a tragically empty desk. In shock of what had just happened to him, he immediately set up his new laptop, checked his email and saw that the final rejection letters from each job application had arrived. Slowly working through the table of jobs, dates, and details, he realized that he had no more hope at finding another data analyst job any time soon.

               As his spouse was the only one at home at that particular moment, he revealed the tragic and sorry state in which they found themselves. “Phew, honey, this is really bad news,” he said, “I have applied to thirty different data analyst jobs and have been rejected by every single one.”

               “Wow, so what are you going to do?” she asked.

               “I guess I need to expand my search and be willing to take on any other role that will provide some sort of income,” he said, “all of this time I thought everything was going well but it seems I was delusional and confused about everything. Every rejection letter communicated the same message, they all said that when they spoke to my current employer, they were told that I lacked most of the skills necessary to fill that sort of role.”

               “I find that really surprising,” she said, “from everything you have been telling me, I thought everything was going well for you in your former position.”

               “One thing that I have not shared with you is that our original team of ten members has reduced down to four, as everyone else has departed for different companies or different roles in this company,” he said, “I will need to start expanding my search parameters and hopefully find something very soon, because we really need to maintain a consistent income. We really need to have a consistent paycheck coming in every two weeks. I’ll keep you updated as I continue to search.”

               Simon spent the next week scouring through many different job search engines, to find that he continued to receive rejection letters, feeling frustrated and angry, he eventually made the decision to find a job working in the fast-food industry. “I really have no other choice,” he said to himself, “I need to have a regular paycheck coming in every two weeks.”

               Now pathetically unemployed, he eventually found himself standing in front of a deep fryer at a local fast-food restaurant, terrified at the prospect of seeing former employees in the restaurant, embarrassed with his ridiculous change in vocation. His income was now reduced to less than half of what it was before his loss of computer work as a data analyst.

               As his shift came to an end, he flopped into his car emanating an overpowering stench of grease and disappointment. He drove home, parked inside of his garage, threw his clothes into the hamper and took a shower to drive away the horrible fast-food stench that nearly swallowed him. Sitting down for dinner with his wife and one daughter, he confessed that his current job was not providing enough income to maintain their lifestyle. “I guess I have no other choice but to pick up a second job,” he said. “At this point, I don’t know what a second job will look like, it will need to be either before my fast-food job or after, I’ve heard about some companies that hire people to do cleaning at local businesses. So maybe that would be a possibility.”

               “Ugh, that is really disappointing,” his wife said, “if you need to work two jobs, we’ll hardly ever see you. We need to keep talking about this and how we can make this work. Maybe we need to make some changes in our current lifestyle, we can always cut back on groceries, stop taking vacations, and reduce our entertainment budget.”

               “Yes, we will need to continue this conversation,” he said, “providing for our needs is my responsibility, so I will certainly find a way to make this work. Like you said earlier, we both thought everything was good in my former position but apparently, we were both deceived and confused.”

               “Have you considered asking about taking on a different position with your previous employer, we both know that you have technical skills, maybe someone can find a position for you to fill, it would certainly pay better than a job working in fast-food.”

               “Yes, that thought occurred to me,” he said, “I’ll begin asking around but I don’t have high hopes about someone willing to take me on in another position, after hearing multiple times that I don’t have the necessary skills.”