Walking Away From It

 

            Like a lightning flash when there was no lightning, at that moment he knew he had come across something special, something different, and something of value. The last five years of his life had been one of self-control, sacrifice, and concerted effort when those around him were only focused on childish games, immaturity, and empty distraction. It was at that moment he knew he needed to act, to make a decision, and to focus on something of value.

               Like a snowball rolling down a hill, the plan, the goal, the overall direction continued to grow, to improve, and to make every decision important and worthy of attention and focus. Time slowly crept by with more decisions to be made, former choices led to making new choices and a continually growing plan for improvement and the need for responsibility and maturity to keep the plan growing and improving.

               Weeks turned into months, months turned into years, and years turned into decades to eventually reveal that what he thought was a good plan, a good set of goals, and a hope for a brighter future only turned out to be a grand deception of which he was blissfully unaware.  As reality began to slowly unravel, he eventually learned to look back, re-interpret history, and finally come to an understanding of what he thought he had been rightly interpreting for so many years.

               Quality of life slowly improved, slowly expanded to bring in more joy, more happiness, and greater understanding. After a series of decisions that moved them in the right direction, he watched as all of their hard work crumbled to reveal a crippling and painful new world in which others began to chip away at everything he had worked so hard to create. Conversations were had, communication dissolved into resentment and disappointment, leaving everything in tatters and frustration.

               As time continued to slither past, he had a vision of biting into an apple to find half of a worm, knowing that the other half had been consumed in the last bite. Each day turned into one worse than the previous, bringing disappointment, frustration, and anger, leaving so much good that had been created into a steaming pile of despair.

               Very much like one sitting on the front porch as the sunshine of the day slowly transitioned into dusk and then into the full darkness of evening, he could feel everything falling apart, resentment building, and a complete loss of ideas on how to move forward. The model he had dreamt of, planned for, and began to build was slowly taken from him, leaving so much success and so much progress turning into benefit for someone else, who technically should have had no input or concern with his years of hard work and effort.

               One vision after another came into his mind as the months crept by. “I feel like I’ve baked a pie to only have it stolen from me,” he thought. “It seems like all that should have remained mine has been taken away by bad decisions made by others.” It was only two years later that the ache and burning in his stomach and soul disappeared that he began to realize that a new reality meant a new beginning with less stress, less frustration, and less disappointment.

               He began to move forward on a different path, with new friends, good input and wise guidance, to finally come to an understanding that sometimes things need to burn down and be replaced by something else. A new idea rose in his mind. “I feel like I’ve transitioned from eating bologna to eating prime rib,” he said to himself. Looking back over the last decade of his life, he realized that what was a few good decisions, and a bit of good advice was actually not what he had hoped for.

               Like moving from one mountain top to another, the view only continued to improve to expose more beauty, more truth, and a greater life. He found himself spending more and more time re-examining, exploring, and critiquing previous decisions and previous opportunities. As time continued to pass, he knew that he was on a new path to bigger and better things, knowing that wishing for an opportunity to re-do former decisions not an option.

               “Don’t wish for a different past,” he thought, “instead learn from previous mistakes, seek out good advice from those who are actually wise, and move forward to a life of holiness, purity, and love for others.” Failing to see the current reality of the present will only result in not being thankful for the current blessings, the few good thoughts, words, and actions of the past, and will allow for creating a better future.

               He eventually began to document all of his former decisions, the content upon which those decisions were made, and he learned to see, unsee, and re-see the details of life, the facts of reality, and the opportunities that lay before him. New friends, new connections, and restored relationships moved him in the right direction toward love for God, love for neighbor, and the pursuit of holiness.  He continued to explore his previous decisions, what exactly moved him to make those decisions, and he learned to change his approach, change his response to those around him, and learn to imitate those from the past who were truly good and holy.

               From his early childhood, the bar had been set very low, and as time passed, he continually moved the bar higher and higher, slowly realizing that what seemed to be love and concern from others was mostly deception and pretend. “What some call friendship is an odd thing,” he said to himself. “Our goal in life ought not be simply using others to make ourselves feel better, to create an image of ourselves in our own minds of being good people, but rather, our goal should be to positively influence others and help them move toward goodness and truth.”

               “Embrace the challenge, embrace the opportunities that come my way,” he thought, “and make the most of every situation to make life better for others, for myself, and for those around me.” Like finding one rotten apple in the middle of a barrel of apples, he could see the decay that followed from not removing that one rotten apple. “Hmm, one can turn on a flashlight and bring clarity to those around him but one cannot turn on a torch that pours out darkness. Life, energy, words, and actions should bring help and love to others.”

               The ideas and visions continued as he began to move in different circles, with different friends, and with different influences upon him. He began to find joy in his interaction with people who were genuine, who were honest, and who truly cared for him, offering him aid whenever he needed it. Like staring at the sun and comparing that experience with previous situations that involved seeing only reflections and half-truths, he could feel himself slowly transitioning toward truth, light, love, and hope.

               A new reality began to form around him, new dreams began to take shape, and new plans were created that would lead to goodness, truth, and beauty. Like an athlete who moved from minor league to major league, he could feel the challenge before him pushing him to move forward and improve. Like a musician who lived and experienced only pop music, to then discover classical music that forced a greater recognition of beauty and talent, he continued to move the bar higher and higher, not willing to be content with mediocrity.

               Becoming part of community that was not content with drivel, with immaturity, or with worldliness founded on western morals, he found himself challenging himself to continue growing and improving life for himself and for those he loved. The transition from darkness to dusk to daylight was a glorious metaphor for all that had been taking place. Interacting with shadows, with plastic smiles, and with pretend kindness twisted his stomach in knots when he realized that there were a small number of genuinely good and kind people and it was these with whom he needed to interact.

               He was torn between being thankful for finding a good community and losing so much in previous years. “Sometimes things need to be lost or destroyed in order to be replaced by beauty and truth,” he thought. “Without one, a man cannot see the necessary change and improvement that stands in front of him. Sacrifice, struggle, disappointment, and loss will move one in the right direction to uncover that which is better.”