Unfaithful

 

            Vanessa stood at the edge of the overpass, watching the unending line of traffic flow beneath her as the final hours of heavy traffic for the day reached its peak flow. She knew that her wait time would be several hours before she had the opportunity for truck and trailer to pass beneath her at an accelerated speed. Repeatedly checking her watch, she began to feel frustrated and began to pace, wondering about the point of it all, and if there was any purpose to continuing her insipid existence.

               Like a cyclone, her mind transitioned from one thought to the next to the next and ended up dwelling upon those she knew, former friends, co-workers, and those whom she said she loved and who thought they were loved by her. After pacing for at least an hour, she noticed that the flow of traffic had begun to thin out, allowing for faster travel time.

               “Okay, now is the time,” she said to herself. Stopping in her tracks, she bent at the waist, rested her hands above her knees, took several deep breaths and began to wonder how she got to this place with this mindset. The sun had slowly crept below the distant mountains and no longer gave good visibility for her as she stood on the overpass.

               “Darkness, this is a good thing,” she muttered. “I wish there was a better way to handle this rather than involving the driver of whatever vehicle happens to be passing by.” Standing back up to full height, she slowly approached the center of the overpass, leaned over the handrail and as if time decided to shift into slow motion, she watched the dark sky overhead with its few stars and a sliver of moon.

               Immediately regretting her decision to take the leap, she knew that there was no turning back at this point. The violent connection of her back and the blacktop below carried a horrific crunching sound to her ears, followed by the sound of an approaching truck and trailer. Though she could see nothing but dark sky overhead, she felt a wave of remorse cross over her as a series of tires destroyed her now broken body.

               She experienced only two sources of sensory input. The sound of her body breaking and the sight of the dark sky overhead, immediately followed by the red glow of tail lights as everything then faded to black. Though she lacked all other sensory input, her memories continued, thoughts of good and happy times passed through her mind until everything was gone.

               She thought she could feel anger, frustration, and disappointment fill every corner of her being to then rise above the tragic traffic scene, vaguely lit by tail lights and a sliver of moon. All movement stopped, all sound ceased to exist, and she was immediately joined by two very handsome young men who helped her rise to her feet, ascend into the sky, and look down upon her broken body on the blacktop.

               “Oh wow,” she thought. “I now realize that I have done a very bad thing. There is no going back and I have no idea what to expect from these two beautiful young men. I wonder where I’m going now.” As she and they continued their path upward, she could feel and see a beautiful white light embrace her, giving a feeling of peace, love, and joy but at the same time a feeling of disappointment.

               When they finally stopped moving, she noticed that there were hundreds of others, just like her approaching in the same way, and embraced by the same beautiful light. She and her two guides watched and waited for what seemed an undefinable long time. As they waited, she watched the others who had arrived either continue their ascent or begin a descent.

               “From everything I’ve been taught, I know what is happening here,” she thought. “Honestly, I really don’t know what direction I’ll be traveling or for how long I’ll be floating here.” As she waited, one of her guides slipped a mask over her face and she could feel her two guides take her by her hands and lead her somewhere.

               The three of them settled onto what felt like soft earth, or possibly sand. In an instant, the mask was removed from her face to reveal the face of a middle-aged man looking very sad. “Hello Vanessa,” he said. “You should not be here now. There was still so much for you to do. You abandoned your post, your responsibilities, and those who loved you. You gave up, you gave into your passions, and chose the easy path, which will not end well for you.”

               The sound of his words rang in her ears and at the same time she could feel what should have been her heart becoming tight and dry and disappointed in her failure to do the very best she could and her missed opportunities. She received a warm hug from her new visitor and from her two guides, to then realize that she stood alone, feeling sad and empty. She noticed many others a good distance away from her, moving toward a small hill glowing with light and she began to put in effort to join them in their movement.

               She began counting with each step she took to suddenly stop as if she ran into an invisible wall that prevented any further movement. The many others around her continued moving and she realized that there were others behind her that stopped moving before she stopped. “Ugh, now what,” she thought. Dropping to her knees, she continued to look upon the glowing hill and the inviting feeling of love it emanated. “I guess that’s it,” she thought. “I really want to continue moving up but now I’m stuck. What am I supposed to do? I guess I have my memories, both good and bad. I should spend some time thinking about what things I didn’t finish, people I didn’t reconcile with, and goals I never reached.”

               Rolling her head, stretching her arms, stretching her legs, she stood up and felt like she had a tiny opportunity take a few more steps forward. Before she could move any further, two large powerful arms embraced her from behind, followed by a warm and friendly growl. She turned to face the massive form and friendly face of a friend she had lost so many years before, overjoyed at the prospect of having someone she formerly loved now with her.

               The two of them sat on the lush grass, and began reminiscing about the fun they had together so many years before. As they spoke, they watched hundreds and thousands of others ascend from below as she had so many hours before. Many of them continued forward to ascend the glowing hill and many others froze in place, while others reached the land and were suddenly thrust back from whence they had come.

               Vanessa flopped back onto the grass, disappointed in herself, frustrated that she had taken the easy path instead of struggling to do the best with what she had. “I was unfaithful,” she grumbled to herself. “I guess that is they way things go sometimes. Decisions are made and there is no going back. Now I’m here and there is no way to undo what I’ve done.”

               Images of a star filled sky, of glowing red tail lights, and memories of the sound of her body being destroyed returned to her mind.

               “Let it go, Vanessa,” her friend said. “You cannot go back but at least we’re together now with good memories, good thoughts, and disappointment at what we didn’t do in the past. We need to watch for others that we’ve known from before and see what there is for us to do now.”

               “I really hope we’re not stuck in this empty place,” Vanessa said. “I hate the idea of having nothing to do. There must be something productive we can do to spend our time and be of value to ourselves to one another or to others.”

               The words barely left her mouth when they noticed that others like them rise to their feet and begin moving to one side of the grassy field. “Hey, look at that,” she said. “Let’s follow them and maybe we’ll find something good to do.” Grabbing her friend by the hand, they moved sideways to follow the crowd, eventually seeing others from their former life, to hug, to smile, to talk, and to reconnect.

               As they lingered about, they were approached by several other handsome young men, who looked a great deal like her former guides.

               “We are so glad that you two found one another,” one of them said. “We have a responsibility for you to take while you are here and as others arrive. When new visitors arrive, we need you to approach them, welcome them, encourage them, and urge them to move toward the glowing hill as far as possible. That is the ultimate goal for everyone. The closer you and they can approach the glowing hill, the greater love you will experience, and the greater joy you will find. It is your job to communicate hope and love.”