An Unending Descent

 

            Alexander sat in his living room watching the news which gave consistent reports of the descent of a neighboring country into chaos, suffering, and death. After two months of watching this constant feed of depression, he pulled away from it, wondering if another country would intervene and assist in slowing the descent into devastation. “You are what you take in,” he said to himself. “I really don’t need to be involved in this consistent feed of pain and suffering. There is really nothing that I, as an individual can do to help.”

               Still wearing his pajamas from that morning, he shuffled into his bathroom, washed his hands and face, combed his hair and made the decision to dress into his workout clothes and get into the sunshine outside. Before stepping outside, he worked through a long series of stretches and memories of those he knew, drawing a painful parallel between the horrible news and the life of one of his former associates.

               “Phew, okay, time to get outside and enjoy the warmth and fresh air,” he thought. Before leaving through his front door, he filled a water bottle to take with him, knowing that a long walk in this kind of heat would require additional hydration. As he reached the sidewalk, he created a picture in his mind of his path forward, making a deliberate decision to walk past the home of a former friend who had betrayed him so many years before.

               He began his walk and covered about two miles distance, to slow down as he passed by her house to see an overgrown lawn, a broken-down vehicle in the driveway, and overall decay of the home. “Man, that is so sad,” he muttered. “You really have to wonder what someone is thinking to allow themselves to continue down a path of self-destruction.”

               After passing through three different neighborhoods, he reached a series of strip malls and was moved to buy a dozen doughnuts to enjoy during the coming week. He slipped into a small bakery, purchased a dozen maple bars, left a substantial tip, and continued his journey on the path he had previously envisioned. The beautiful and well-manicured homes of the local neighborhoods transitioned into strip malls, and eventually into poverty-stricken inner city.

                As he reached the edge of the inner city, he could see dozens of scantily clad women standing on the corner one block ahead of him. “I am not going to continue in that direction,” he grumbled. “The last thing I want is to be approached by, or interact with women like that. Hey, wait a minute, that’s my former friend who turned away from me so long ago, and started down the path of self-destruction. Seeing her like this explains why her life and her home look the way they do.”

               Alexander stopped at the corner, crossed the street, and began his journey back home. “This is a horrible situation,” he thought. “Just like the devastation going on in the news, there is nothing I can do to help this situation. If someone refuses an offer of help, refuses to talk, and is intent on continuing into self-destruction, there is nothing I can do.” Continuing for half a block, he sat down on a bench at the edge of a park and looked back at the collection of sad, broken, and corrupted women.

               “Wow, this is so bad and ugly,” he muttered. As he slowly consumed a single doughnut, he watched as one woman after another climbed into various vehicles, selling themselves for cash. “What kind of mindset must a woman be in to put herself into that situation,” he wondered. “The psychological torment, the abuse, and the soul crushing interaction is hardly worth any large amount of money.”

               Tempted to begin on a second doughnut, he resisted the urge, brushed the crumbs from his fingers and lap and continued his journey home. As he passed the residence of his former associate, he saw a car pull into her driveway as she and an elderly man climbed from the vehicle to slip inside the house. “Like I said earlier, there is nothing I can do if someone wants to make bad decisions that will ultimately ruin their life.”

               In what became a pattern every six days, he eventually finished his bag of doughnuts, began taking walks on his predetermined path, to see the home of his former associate continue its decline into chaos and noise. “I really need to buy another bag of doughnuts,” he said, after entering and leaving the store, he avoided the corner a block ahead of him. “Same as always, I really have no interest in weaving through that ugly situation or interacting with women like that.”

               In what became a regular pattern for him, he turned one block early, sat on the park bench and felt sad for the decisions that so many women like this were making. After finishing his one doughnut, he rose to his feet, and continued his path home, to once again see his former associate enter her decaying home with another strange, elderly man. “Oof, what a life to live, what a price to pay in order to take in enough money,” he lamented. “Too bad, so sad.”

               This regular pattern continued for five more years and after the passing of this time, he no longer saw his former associate on the corner. “Getting too old for that kind of work, I suppose,” he said. “Now what is she going to do?” He knew that she had children that were most likely being neglected and possibly abused, feeling sick at the idea of children being subjected to that sort of lifestyle and corruption.

               “Okay, no more doughnuts,” he said to himself. “I think I’ll swing through the grocery store and buy some fruit instead.” The closest grocery store was three blocks past the corner of corruption and depravity. Instead of stopping for doughnuts, he moved to the other side of the street, continued on his way and purchased a bag of apples. As he watched the corner full of women on his way home, he felt sick inside at the young age of so many of them. “This is just so wrong,” he grumbled.

               “All of this walking and change to healthy eating will certainly improve my quality of life,” he said to himself. As Alexander approached the home of his former associate, he was shocked to see that the house was for sale, the yard had been cleaned and organized and he wondered what exactly had happened to come to this. “I guess we’ll see if someone decent buys the house and takes care of it.”

               He returned home with his bag of apples, retrieved his mail from his mailbox and found an invitation to a funeral three days hence. Unlocking his front door, he dropped his apples into his refrigerator, sat down, and opened the invitation. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” he grumbled, “it is exactly who I knew it would be. I suppose the decent thing would be to attend the service and interact with everyone there. Not like I really have any interest in being there but I should do the right thing.”

               Now being fully retired, he rose early that morning, showered, dressed in his best clothing and drove to the cemetery for the service. “Would you look at that,” he said, “I am only seeing about eight people standing around the gravesite.” He parked a short distance away, slowly approached the small group, smiled and said hello to listen to an unknown pastor talk about the departed in words that were easily too kind and actually dishonest.

               The pastor finished his short eulogy and invited anyone else to offer a few words if they had any. No one took advantage of his offer and Alexander casually interacted with the few people there, asking questions about how they knew her, what was the cause of her demise and if she had any family in the area. He learned that she had died from multiple STD’s and loneliness, reaching an age when her chosen line of work was no longer possible.

               Offering words of consolation to those who attended her funeral, he departed alone, returned home, and placed a few phone calls with those who formerly knew her or had been friends with her in the past. Communicating the sad news of her demise, he did his best to speak highly of her without sounding judgmental. After multiple phone calls, he and some of them agreed to gather for a small reunion and possibly dinner.

               He felt torn up inside as he thought about the troubling past, the terrible path that she had chosen to finish her life and the negative impact those choices had upon those who knew her, were related to her, and were devastated at her path into a life of corruption and deception. Alexander spent the next three hours wondering about the meaning of it all and if there was anything he could do to help those impacted by her choice of lifestyle.

               Four more days passed and after a pleasant meal with former friends, he relived fond memories, good vacations, and time with her and them, to find himself aching inside when he returned home. “Alright then, time to move forward because now there is nothing else that can be done, other than making the best version of myself as I move through the next several decades.”